Surgeon General Seeks a Healthier America

(GNN) - President Obama's nominee for surgeon general, whose job it is to help encourage Americans to get thinner and healthier, has been working part time as a scientific adviser to the fast-food giant that sells sandwiches like the Whopper and BK Triple Stacker.

Dr. Regina Benjamin, hailed by Mr. Obama for her efforts in running the Zoftig Sisters Health Clinic in hurricane-ravaged rural Alabama, has been paid $10,000 since last year for serving on a scientific advisory board for Burger King, according to newly filed public financial disclosures.

The Goomba News Network has now compiled a comprehensive list of healthy Burger King innovations initiated by Dr. Benjamin:

1. Dr. Benjamin is an acknowledged advocate for offering healthy and delicious food choices. She stopped Burger King's selling of the Dutch Apple Pie (a hot and gooey apple filling in a flaky baked crust) at 360 calories, and replaced it with a slightly higher calorie but significantly more nutritious Lo-Cal Cheesecake Slice.

2. On her first day of decision-making, she immediately removed CHEESY TOTS® (Hot, golden brown fried cheese balls filled with melted cheese) from the menu and replaced the popular item with SUPER CHEESY CHEESY TOTS® with an added nutritious melted cheddar cheese topping.

3. She modified the ANGRY TENDERCRISP® (tender, premium breaded white meat chicken filet topped with sizzling bacon, Pepper Jack cheese, deliciously spicy jalapenos, angry onions and the signature angry sauce) by adding a sprinkling of healthy feta cheese, and served the sandwich with small packets of high-fiber blue cheese sauce.

4. Dr. Benjamin fought hard against the continued sale of the Oreo® BK® Chocolate Shake Sundae. Benjamin argued that the concoction was almost entirely without protein, but Burger King officials refused to add any cheese products into their popular dessert item. It was finally resolved that 2 small packets of blue cheese sauce would be offered with each sundae.