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October 3, 2010

Nationwide Alert

A search of a 25-year-old man following a traffic stop Wednesday morning revealed one bag of marijuana and one bag of cocaine in the driver’s buttocks, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office. The driver said only the marijuana belonged to him. ...

"When the bag (with 27 pieces of rock cocaine weighing 3.5 grams) fell to the ground, Roberts immediately said, according to the report, 'The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.'

GNN wishes to alert its readers that a strange phenomena is sweeping the nation - Spontaneous Butt Crack Generation(SBCG). Due to the sensative nature of this report, no graphic images will be used.

After speaking to some of the nation's top police officials, GNN can now advise it's readers that they should check their personal possessions, particularly those that are stored in extremely close proximity to or in their body, to ensure that SBCG has not occurred.

That is all.

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17 comments:

  1. Anonymous10/04/2010

    Pah-leeze!

    That's the first place I'd look!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10/04/2010

    GNN is the BBC, Dear Abby, the Ad Council, Dick Clark's Top 40, and Wikipedia all in one ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous10/04/2010

    Do I have to find a new place to carry my car keys?

    ReplyDelete
  4. T. F. Stern10/04/2010

    Thank you, even an old retired cop thought that was worth a chuckle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous10/04/2010

    So that's why they call it crack.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Doom10/04/2010

    I bet that cracks everyone up. Further, double entendres are now obsolete. No buts about it. Gahh! I must leave here or go perpetual (more) mad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous10/04/2010

    I see this as a crack in the door to start talking about M. Obama's booty again ...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous10/04/2010

    Nick, you did NOT put a picture of J-Lo for this post's avatar ... no, I did NOT see that.

    ReplyDelete
  9. aynzan10/04/2010

    Sounds hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous10/04/2010

    Sounds like the guy Goomba hired for Human Resources.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lawyer10/04/2010

    Hmmm...I may have to use that in my next criminal defense case. Of course, things could get tight if you stuff too much into the, umm.., case, and it could confuse the jury. Even so, everyone knows it will all come out in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  12. sig9410/04/2010

    In this instance the short arm of the law was used to effect an arrest.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Subvet10/04/2010

    This guy must be a real butthead.

    ReplyDelete
  14. sig9410/04/2010

    Nickie - no, keep them there. Just turn off that little LED flashlight on the key ring. Last time you forgot and scared the hell out of the doctor.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bloviating Zeppelin10/04/2010

    What was that acronym?

    -- GIGO?

    BZ

    ReplyDelete
  16. sig9410/04/2010

    DC - my fondest wish is to be promoted from cub reporter to Lackey I. Even better, to Minion Trainee.

    ReplyDelete
  17. sig9410/04/2010

    Rhod - either that or he was just returning Nickie's keys after he borrowed the car.

    ReplyDelete

"We'll probably cringe at the stupidity of what you say, but we will defend to the death your right to babble" - Sig94