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October 20, 2011

Making America Safer - One Crotch At A Time

Work it baby! Work it!
America has spoken!
We just can't enough degradation and harassment in our nation's airports, so the blue clad bully boyz of the TSA are taking their show on the road!

From the State of Tennessee where dangerous crotches run rampant:
PORTLAND, Tenn. – You're probably used to seeing TSA's signature blue uniforms at the airport, but now agents are hitting the interstates to fight terrorism with Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response (VIPR).

"Where is a terrorist more apt to be found? Not these days on an airplane more likely on the interstate," said Tennessee Department of Safety & Homeland Security Commissioner Bill Gibbons.
And in your crotch where C-4 grows wild and angels fear to tread.
The TSA motto: "All Your Crotch Are Belong To Us."
Tuesday Tennessee was first to deploy VIPR simultaneously at five weigh stations and two bus stations across the state.

Agents are recruiting truck drivers, like Rudy Gonzales, into the First Observer Highway Security Program to say something if they see something.

Never mind that busload of nuns. Are you ready for the magic?

"Not only truck drivers, but cars, everybody should be aware of what's going on, on the road," said Gonzales.
Now the TSA will randomly yank you put of your car, stand you on the side of the road and root around for any IEC's (Improvised Explosive Crotches) in traffic. Somehow that all makes sense in the land that spawned Al Gore.

I feel a lot safer already.




21 comments:

They Say/We Say said...

This is a joke? What are the reasons for stopping travelers-just being on the Interstates?

Nickie Goomba said...

TS/WS... Intimidation.

Gorges Smythe said...

I guess I'll never see Tennessee again. Pity, it's a pretty place.

Gorges Smythe said...

BTW, I linked this.

MightyMom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Subvet said...

Five gets you ten it doesn't stop at the borders of Tennesee.

So what happens next? Does some cube ape read a post by sig94, figure he must be one of those "right wing terrorists", get all his personal info from the internet server and report him to the TSA. The TSA then contacts their local office to monitor Sig94, who is subsequently pulled over in a "random" stop.

Surprise! They find suspicious items much as they did with Jose Guerena in Tucson, Arizona.

Been nice knowing ya, Sig.

banned said...

I expect that their attention will soon turn to those iconic American yellow school buses and their occupants. "Never too young to be a terrorist"

Ricardo Miñana said...

Safety must always be well protected, interesting post.
happy weekend.
greetings.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sex crimes are on the rise in Tennessee.

WoFat said...

There's just something wrong about a guy with a badge, putting on rubber gloves and singing "Some Enchanted Evening."

T. F. Stern said...

We don't need no stinkin' constitutional protection from warrantless searches...

Kid said...

Sig, My God man, I'm already on BP meds. I'm so incensed at this, I'm speechless. Seriously. This can happen? This can F happen???

This is cutting edge where the military oath takers need to start pondering whether they are going to support the constitution or not.

I seriously think, I'd punch the F in his ear as hard as I could if he put his hand on my junk. Take me to jail MF.

sig94 said...

TSWS - when some character snaps on the latex and and asks you to spread your legs, I'd take him at his word.

sig94 said...

Gorges - lots and lots of nice places have been ruined by governments.

sig94 said...

Subvet - you'll be the first I call for bail.

sig94 said...

banned - but they ignore the darling little Hamas kids parading around in those cute little suicide belts and let their parents emigrate to the US. No problemo.

The US is run by ass wipes.

sig94 said...

Odie - or they will be.

sig94 said...

WoFat - I think of "Young Frankenstein" and the dance number Peter Boyle and Gene Wilder did in top hat and tux ... instead the TSA is "Puttin' On The Latex."

sig94 said...

Kid - I'm not that far behind you. Most Americans are too intimidated by authority to tell them to talk a hike. This warrantless search crap has got to stop.

sig94 said...

TFS - Again, it the warrantless searches that are unraveling the Constitution. Next thing they'll be breaking down the door on a whim... "Open up in the name of Obama!"

Kid said...

Sig, I'm glad in this context today that my Dad is not alive. He passed in 1987. Before I tell this story, I will testify that my Dad was a patient, sane and gentle man who walked Italy, France and German in WWII as an infantry Sergeant...as non-racist, non-biased, respectful individual - to the pinnacle of what we should all be person....

I mean he put up with me for 18 years.

He was so incensed at the state of loss of personal liberties in 1985 or so, that he confided to me once that he sometimes thought of setting up a .50 cal outside the police department and mowing them all down as they came out - like spraying hornets with DDT as they flew out of their nest. I thought it was a little nuts at the time, but I've long since realized that if you are a person who risked his life everyday for 4 years saving not only your own countrymen, but other countrymen as well, then come back to your home country - to be hassled by people with a uniform, you might just go berserk.

So, I just want to add, that while the F was incapacitated from my violence to his ear, I'd continue on to his nose and jaw, then when he did stand up, a foot to the crotch if at all possible... If you're going to jail anyway...?