September 17, 2011

Gallivanting In North Korea

A tourism message from Our Glorious Leader:
Chinese tourists gallivant along a golf course at the Mount Kumgang resort in North Korea. The course has been closed for three years, after a South Korean tourist was shot to death by North Korean guards at the resort and South Korean officials banned tourists from the site. This summer, North Korean officials started a program reaching out to Chinese tourism officials and others to restore the resort. (Goh Chai Hin/AFP/Getty Images) #

In North Korea it is forbidden to break par. Bad karma.
But Our Glorious Leader has decreed that it is permissible to take a mulligan.

Seriously, this country is nothing but a giant prison.
This is a photo of Central Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea and its largest city, taken by David Guttenfelder of the Associated Press.

H/T Fark

September 15, 2011

Beware The Wee Folk

Apparently there is a twisted confluence in the cosmic aether that surrounds dwarves. Goombas, badgers, blondes and rugby players are the most readily affected.
England rugby Royal hubbie Mike Tindall 'groped woman at dwarf throwing contest'

England rugby captain Mike Tindall has become engulfed in scandal following publication of claims that he kissed and groped a blonde beauty while at a dwarf throwing contest with friends.
To tell the truth, I always was under the impression that blonde groping was permissible, nay, obligatory when tossing little people.

He and other England rugby players piled on top of each other in an impromptu scrum on a boozy night out at a bar in New Zealand to celebrate victory over Argentina in their opening World Cup match.

Pictures published on Facebook show Tindall and team mates Dylan Hartley and Nick Easter larking about in the bar.

Tindall married Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter Zara Philips (30) earlier this year.

He was seen kissing and groping a blonde girl and rubbed his face in her breasts, according to The Sun newspaper today.

The only excuse I could think of for his actions: drunk as he was, he thought she was a block of chaulk and he was a pool cue.

September 14, 2011

I Knew It! I Just Knew It!

Scientists found that small amounts of dark chocolate may improve health in a similar way to exercise.

The researchers focused on the mitochondria, the tiny powerhouses in cells that generate energy, and discovered that a plant compound found in chocolate, called epicatechin, appeared to stimulate the same muscle response as vigorous activity.

Dr Moh Malek, from Wayne State University in Detroit, who led the US study on mice, said: ''Mitochondria produce energy which is used by the cells in the body. More mitochondria mean more energy is produced the more work can be performed.

''Aerobic exercise, such as running or cycling, is known to increase the number of mitochondria in muscle cells. Our study has found that epicatechin seems to bring about the same response - particularly in the heart and skeletal muscles.''
The next study will show that it's better for you than sex.

Banana Banzai

During WWII we pounded the Japanese, we beat them like a rented mule. We took a 2,000 year old machismo, fearsome, aggressive warrior culture and broke it like a cheap Timex. We spattered them like White Fang hitting Soupy Sales in the kisser with a cream pie.

I think maybe we went too far. Look at the Japanese of today. This is shameful.

With gays now able to openly serve in the US military, perhaps this is the replacement for forced marches in boot camp.

H/T to IOTW.

September 13, 2011

England Is Spinning Out Of Control

First there were reports of badgers eating midgets, now there's drunken, incontinent psychos pooping on hedgehogs. When will this madness end?
A man who defecated on a dead hedgehog in the street in the middle of the day coolly gave the arresting officer his reason.

“When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go,” said Victor Ford.
On a hedgehog. Accept no substitutes. No wolverines, rabbits, field mice, armadillos or ground squirrels. It's a hedgehog or the launch sequence somes to a screeching halt.
The 34-year-old was squatting over the grass verge with his jeans around his knees when a police officer drove along Balmoral Avenue, Spalding, at 1.20pm on July 3.

Deborah Cartwright, prosecuting at court, said the officer stopped his patrol car and walked over to Ford, who was standing up and pulling up his jeans.

The officer looked at the ground where Ford had been squatting and saw “fresh human faeces on top of a dead hedgehog”.
There's nothing like spending a good part of your life training for emergencies, preparing yourself for the most heinious crimes, steeling your resolve to perform to your utmost ability no matter the circumstances ... and then scrapping a hedgehog off someone's arse. Right, please don't squeeze the Charmin.
District Judge John Stobart fined Ford £100 and ordered him to pay £85 costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

[...]Rather than activate Ford’s suspended sentence, Mr Stobart decided to “make it more onerous” by barring him from going to Scotland for three days. He explained to Ford that he had to do something to make the prison order worse because he did not want to activate the sentence.

The judge said: “It sounds stupid and it is stupid.”
Obviously Scotland is swarming with fecal deficient hedgehogs. Huh?

I have had to reconcile myself to the fact that nothing about this makes any sense.

Porn Star Dwarf Eaten By Badgers

I am not kidding.

Well, maybe a little. They just gnawed on him a bit.

September 12, 2011

Pack It In

The TSA  needs to go on a permanent coffee break. It may break the hearts of the blue latex glove industry but enough is enough. Even the congressman who sponsored the creation of the TSA says it's time for them to go.
They’ve been accused of rampant thievery, spending billions of dollars like drunken sailors, groping children and little old ladies, and making everyone take off their shoes.

But the real job of the tens of thousands of screeners at the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is to protect Americans from a terrorist attack.

Yet a decade after the TSA was created following the September 11 attacks, the author of the legislation that established the massive agency grades its performance at “D-.”
In my book that's not a passing grade. Cut these people lose. Buffalo, Los Angeles, Orlando, Houston - a litany of theft and malfeasance courtesy of the federal government.

“The whole program has been hijacked by bureaucrats,” said Rep. John Mica (R. -Fla.), chairman of the House Transportation Committee.

“It mushroomed into an army,” Mica said.  “It’s gone from a couple-billion-dollar enterprise to close to $9 billion.”

As for keeping the American public safe, Mica says, “They’ve failed to actually detect any threat in 10 years.”

“Everything they have done has been reactive.  They take shoes off because of [shoe-bomber] Richard Reid, passengers are patted down because of the diaper bomber, and you can’t pack liquids because the British uncovered a plot using liquids,” Mica said.

“It’s an agency that is always one step out of step,” Mica said.
We've had enough of the bureaucratic sense of entitlement that goes with these jobs; the bungling and sheer incompetence and arrogance of these cattle herders who couldn't stop a terrorist if they tried. Baby blue shirts with badges and no guns practicing politically correct screenings which ignore real threats for so as to not offend the wolves who would do us harm. Feh! Enough.