In The News

The Inappropriate Carry On Blues

A woman was told she could not board a Southwest Airlines flight from Las Vegas to New York because "her cleavage was inappropriate." She refused to stow the offensive baggage and got on the flight anyway. Southwest Airlines has issued her an apology and a carry on sweater puppy kennel.

Yes, By All Means Make Him An Ambassador To Iran

Mia Farrow's son with Andre Previn has issues with his mother's ex-husband, hyper-neurotic movie star and director Woody Allen. The son, Satchel Ronan O’Sullivan Farrow, is disturbed that his father left his mother and married his adopted half-sister, Soon-Yi Previn. While the nation's true chronic unemployment numbers are approaching 20% and people are growing ever more desperate for work, young master Ronan has procured an appointment as a special adviser to the Secretary of State for Global Youth Issues and director of the State Department’s Global Youth Issues office. I have an issue with that.

I'll Take "We'll Kick Your Ass Again" For A Thousand, Alex

Even though it appears that the Muslim Brotherhood has won the Presidential Elections, the Supreme Council of Armed Forces (Scaf) has pretty much taken over Egypt. A confidential and reliable source within the Supreme Council has admitted that they fear that the "Allah-cursed Joos will kick the ever lovin felafel out of us" if the Muslim Brotherhood actually takes power. Israel is already suffering attacks from the Sinai Penisula and has moved tanks and other equipment into the area. Docile for decades since the 1979 Egypt–Israel Peace Treaty, radical Muslims have moved into the Sinai and used it as a base for assaulting Israeli workers constructing a defensive barrier.

President Obama is watching this situation with great interest. Obama's close political advisor, David Axelrod, was heard to whisper to the President that "those stinking Tea Party conservatives will kick the ever lovin' subpoenas out of us" if they actually win an election.

Watch for a coup.