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September 18, 2010

Alea Jacta Est


I fear we may have crossed the Rubicon.

The ad hominem attacks against FLOTUS have reached a crescendo. I feel as if I have been drawn into an overpowering whirlpool, a swirling vortex of personal, anatomically-directed invective from which there is no return. I feel myself ... slipping. It is something that I can't quite get my hands on and I tremble at the thought.

I summon all the resources at my disposal. I know I should resist. I know I need to resist. Indeed, I want to resist. But my inner strength seems so weak and puny when confronted with the overwhelming size of the temptation placed before me. I desire nothing more than to be able to put a leash on it.


I truly am in desperate straits. It staggers me. Nothing is as it should be, as it always was. My sense of proportion needs reassurance.
I. Can't. Stop.
There is nothing left for me to do but to embrace the madness.





DC, 'tis your doing. I am undone.


30 comments:

Rhod said...

GNN is "an overpowering whirlpool, a swirling vortex of personal, anatomically-directed invective"?

Sweet!

The_Kid said...

You think michelle is getting any?

It is hard to imagine.

sig94 said...

Rhod - it is all of that and more. Nickie will soon be accepting bets on college and pro football games.

sig94 said...

Kid - She undoubtably is getting some. In her case, with her husband, "some" precludes her getting "all." How much of that "some" or the equally indefinite "any" she finds satisfying is an entirely different matter.

If we refer back to her hubristic statement that "For the first time I am proud to be an American," we may also infer that she stated to someone, "For the first time I almost had an orgasm."

Here at GNN we recommend the newer serial bundled CR123A lithium-ion batteries for high energy electronic devices that must provide power under heavy, even loathsome, demands.

The FLOTUS Multi-Pack comes with a double insulated casing to prevent sparking in moist environments.

Anonymous said...

Wow ... just wow.

That pic on the lawn ... wow.

If she were happy or pleasant, people would forgive her for being big. Look at Nick.

Michael said...

I understand the contex of the vid, butt really now, we are talking about the "first Lady" whether she wants the job or not. Where's the Love?

LL said...

You all make fun of the FLOTUS - go ahead because (gulp) she's a big target. But there are some of us who feel sorry for her, for her rotten, crappy job, being forced to go on vacation again and again with her staff of nearly a hundred lackeys - and those snickering Secret Service agents whispering into their sleeves that she makes the rockin' world go round.

There are chubby chasers who think that an ample -- or more than ample booty is appealing. Obviously the POTUS is one of them.

LL said...

I wonder if Michelle has considered the Lap Band (1-800 GET THIN). They might do the surgery for her free before ObamaCare makes it economically impossible to obtain that sort of procedure.

Then she wouldn't feel like a butterball when she drops that massive rump in a chair next to Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

and -- she might not feel nearly so compelled to wear such hideous clothing to drape 'the part'.

sig94 said...

DC - absolutely. We would all be better off if she were happy or pleasant. Alas, she is neither. She is big, bitchy and bitter; the Triple Crown of maladaptive personality traits. If she'd just keep her damn mouth shut people wouldn't pick on her so.

sig94 said...

Michael - I just love the "Love" the Obama's have given us, don't you? My children and great grandchildren will be loving it too.

sig94 said...

LL - I am more interested in her getting the Oral Band so we don't have to listen to her crap. Just have her go on perpetual vacation and never return to the US until Dec 2012.

AndrewPrice said...

Ha ha ha ha! I shouldn't laugh at that. . . ha ha! No, must not laugh. . . must not. . . Ha ha ha ha!

Subvet said...

With a fat ass like that all she needs now is a tattoo. Then B.O. could have heat in the winter, shade in the summer and moving pictures all year round.

sig94 said...

Subvet - that is probably the most disturbing thing I have heard since Janet Reno's vasectomy.

The_Kid said...

Sig, I knew I shouldn't have commented on this one.
haha

j summ said...

how do you get that size eating all that health food she pushes on our youth?

SUBVET, it's great how strange minds think alike. i used to say that about tankers (armor) and the over sized women they married.

Rhod said...

FLOTUS is too close to FLATUS.

There has to be a better acronym.

Subvet said...

J SUMM, it must be a military thing. When I was on active duty it seemed Navy wives were routinely of a size that when they sat around the house, they sat around the house.

Subvet said...

Here's a thought, with the way things are these days it isn't unlikely some government schmuck is tasked with reading blogs to detect threats to the government.

Can you imagine having to give an end-of-shift report after trolling through comments like these?

Toaster 802 said...

All this attention to the first Klingon's junk is not very nice. Now I suppose you will make fun of this video of Wookie air one as it takes off to return home after Moose-shell's buffet table tour of Spain...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4DNEZbuivc

Note; the Blogger word verification is in on the joke. It wants me to enter the word "nesse"...

sig94 said...

Toaster - With all the flames and fireworks, that had to be the flight after the all you can eat bean burrito buffet. Ole!

Anonymous said...

This has to stop. I leave this blog for a few minutes to pick up a few vittles at the Piggly Wiggly, and what happens? Bloggers I respect are jumping all over the FLOTUS rump.

Again... this has to stop.

Anonymous said...

Nick, stop defending the horizontally-challenged ... just because they are your people. Let the information and the erudition flow. This is democracy, man.

A couple of observations ... Subvet is becoming a cult commenter. Pith and punch. Primitive.

Reno's vasectomy? Oh, my. Thankfully, the beverage had cleared the pallette.

Rhod, it's FATLASS.

christian soldier said...

FLOTUS - rump- not better aspect to illustrate MO--
as to The Kid's take- that has been my question for awhile-
carol-CS

sig94 said...

DC started it I didn't do a thing until DC started and he made fun of her big butt I didn't do anything right away then but I thought about it and he was wrong to get me thinking about it that great big butt and then I couldn't STOP thinking about that huge butt and then LL said her butt shadow weighed fifty pounds and how can she drag that fat ass shadow around the White House without tearing up the rugs and wearing out the stairs and maybe scratching the lineoleum but I didn't think that until way after DC started it but it was before I started thinking I was gonna get in trouble and after that I couldn't help reading Subvet and his moving butt pictures I mean how big a theater do you need for a Surround Ass™ screen and how much can you charge and won't people puke into their popcorn while she's dragging that big ass and it's shadow all over the state but I do like popcorn and even eating hotdogs wouldn't bother me in a Surround Ass™ theater if maybe the "Magnificent Seven" were playing instead of "The Big Ass."

Anonymous said...

Oh. O.K. then.

LL said...

Take it easy, Sig!

I only observed and reported.

Here is a woman who never felt like an American until she was First Lady -- and even then is unhappy with her position. I don't think there is a Klingon in the universe who would be so completely disagreeable.

She might find her place on the planet in Kenya, but if she goes, she needs to take her baggage with her!

Anonymous said...

Can't we all agree that Michelle Obama's rear end is below the belt?

Lilac Sunday said...

If we didn't have to endure the media gushing over her toned upper arms, completely ignoring the fact that the rest of her is a little...underexercised, and if we didn't have to endure her lectures about our eating habits, then I might have considered the junk in her trunk off limits. However, she stuck the camel's nose under the tent. Cow.

Greybeard said...

And just imagine...
We coulda had the owner of the beer distributorship!
(No hump, slump, bump, or plump!)
Just class.