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August 25, 2011

No Beans In My Burka!


Toot, Toot, Tootsie good bye.

The Pentagon has declared parts of the Afghani war theater a "Toot Free Zone" due to Muslim protests that our Marines stink. Literally. From the Military Times:

[...]So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.
Once again stealth technology will come to the rescue of our intrepid Armed Forces. I'm sure the Marines can utilize their intelligence and superior combat training to unleash the "silent but deadly" variety of noxious airbursts, ie. the MOAF (Mother Of All F...s).

But for those who insist that farting is against Sharia Law, feast your ears on the following:



The women always suffer more...


12 comments:

Gorges Smythe said...

You KNOW yer gonna get death threats; RIGHT?

sig94 said...

Gorges - this is my grandest attempt yet to get my own fartwa, I mean fatwa, issued against me.

Doom said...

They ought to be careful. They make our boys any more attractive and they may end up alone AND in caves.

What a gas. Loved that cartoon, too. Have you ever showed your woman you love her by telling her to hunker under the blankets and you will 'let it out', but you let it in instead? :)

Still, it's not fair. First they are fighting and dieing for them, then this? I don't know about you, but I love me some beans. We even have at least one fighting song regarding beans, beans and something about New Orleans.

Nickie Goomba said...

We must temper our cruelty in respect for their historic and valuable contributions to the world.

The Underground Pewster said...

I guess they will have to start adding "Beano" to those MREs.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Put your head between your legs and smell what?

The Watcher said...

Something tells me these complainers have smelled worse - I mean, NONE of them have ever stood downwind of a flatulent camel or goat before?

sig94 said...

Doom - I did that once by yelling "There's a spider by your head!" The fingernails that she broke off in my back stopped hurting once they were covered in cysts.

sig94 said...

Nickie - truer words were never spoken. In honor of Muslim contributions from now on all acts of bestiality will be called, "Poking Mohammed."

sig94 said...

Pewster - perhaps a milspec methane gas recovery system for every GI?

sig94 said...

Odie - I can't breathe in that position.

sig94 said...

Watcher - given the condition of Afghani general hygiene, the complainers themselves smell worse.