I've Got The Tractor Impound Blues

There's an old saying that goes, "Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel."

To this little slice of outdated wisdom you might want to add, "Or who owns the biggest tractor in town."

From the UK Daily Mail:

A farmer angry over a recent arrest surprised police in Vermont on Thursday by driving his tractor over seven parked police cars before driving away.

Roger Pion, 34, had been arrested last month for resisting arrest and marijuana possession before rolling his farm tractor across their vehicles, demolishing five marked cruisers, one unmarked car and a transport van, police said.

'We had nothing to pursue him with,' said Newport Chief Deputy Philip Brooks, who went outside to see seven of his fleet's 11 vehicles destroyed.

The word is, Orleans County Sheriff deputies are now slimming down through increased assignments to foot patrol.

Nobody was hurt. That's the thing everybody's got to cherish,' said Sheriff Kirk Martin.

Pion is faces seven counts of felony unlawful mischief and one misdemeanor count of unlawful mischief on suspicion of damaging the cars, state police Detective Trooper Lyle Decker told the Free Press.

[...]Martin estimated damage to the vehicles at more than $300,000.

Farmer Pion will also be looking for another occupation as there is no doubt his property will be subject to civil forfeiture to pay for the damage. Either that or he will have to grow an ungodly amount of beans and okra.

According to the Chronicle, Pion has an extensive history of encounters with local law enforcement, apparently over traffic violations.

Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places" is one of my favorite songs. I felt the prodding of the Muse.

I got home after dawn

My tractor’s long gone

Seven cop cars are lying in ruins.

I ran ‘em all down

I shocked this small town

And made bail from the crowbar saloon.

I’m not very smart

And real trouble will start

When the corn silk starts turning all brown.

Then I’ll be in deep shit

This farm, I may lose it

My tractor’s still in the impound!

The cops got my tractor locked in the impound!

After I used their lot as a farmer’s playground.

Guess I made my case … when I flattened their place.

Now I don’t mean to be disrespecting

But my crops are ready, now I’m objecting

That the cops got my tractor … locked in the impound!