April 1, 2014

Don't Mess With My Printers

One of my roles is the SPOC for IT work in our office.
I finally got a technician to yank one of our color printers and fix it. The busted part was only $6.
It was broken by some idiot slamming shut the front cover.

I sent out this email to advise the staff that the printer was on line again.

The HP 3505 color printer by the library has been repaired.
This is the second time a ham handed person has broken a color printer at this location.
We are not amused.
These machines and the toner to support them are not cheap.

Do not open up this printer. It is not a goat and you can't read its entrails.
Do not play with it if it is not working.

It is a machine; physical punishment such as slamming, pounding and water boarding have no effect on this soulless contraption.

It does not fear you.

If you send a job to this printer, check to make sure the job has printed.
Printers and little puppies both need paper. Check the paper drawers to see that they contain the right supplies.

If it doesn't print, let someone in IT or myself know. An email would be nice.
Don't leave it jammed up for days and then complain that nothing works.

Do not use it to print your vacation itinerary or recipes for hamster cordon bleu.

Stand by the 3505 printer and look up at the top of the library door towards the ceiling.
There, on the left.
That is a camera.
We will find you.

Yes, there really is a camera just for this printer.
I had the investigators install one there.
I am a little pissed.
God pity the fool if I catch him. I am not a gentle man.


Kid said...

Guaranteed to be a libard

Katy Anders said...

But the thing is, hitting a piece of equipment that isn't working actually makes it work the first couple dozen times you do it.

Kid said...

I forgot to mention, We in IT had an impromptu contest to name the last printer we installed a few months ago

I chose 'whatprinter'.
the name that won is 'pcloadletter'.


But really.

Employee: "One of our printers is messing up"

IT: what printer ?

E: Yes.

IT: Yes, what?

E: whatprinter.

IT: Yes, which printer?


IT: I'll come down.....

Doom said...

I would not have told them about the camera. I love to watch someone bald-face lie to me when they don't realize I have proof. Makes getting them fired so much easier, and just feels good, somehow.

Kid, you are a cruel mean man. Lived closer I'd offer you a beer at some watering hole.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Hunt them down like the rats they are!