In The *spit* News

FBI Director James *spit* Comey On The Way Out

Comey will be awarded the J. Edgar Hoover "Tutu of Shame" after the elections.

After persistent prodding by senior adviser Valerie Jarrett to remove James Comey from his job as director of the FBI, President Obama has agreed the time has come to fire America's top cop.

According to a White House source familiar with Obama's decision, Jarrett and the president held lengthy discussions over the past several days about the political and legal ramifications of firing the FBI director.

State *spit* Department Needs Five Years To Examine Emails

There's 31,000 or so pages of deleted emails that the State Department wants to examine just in case Clinton missed shit canning a few. By the time the State Department is finished we'll all be sending messages via telepathy.

State Department officials asked a federal court Monday to consider allowing them up to five years for their review of 31,000 pages of emails recovered by the FBI during its year-long investigation of Hillary Clinton.

But The *spit* FBI Blew Through 650,000 Emails In Just Eight Days

The FBI made exceptionally short work of crunching all those emails; yet the FBI's investigation of the  Clinton Foundation will be over just in time to indict Hillary's grandchildren right before they apply for their social security pension benefits.

Donald Trump and his aides are expressing skepticism at how quickly the FBI was able to review hundreds of thousands of emails in the latest probe in the Hillary Clinton email investigation.

The FBI revealed Sunday that it had found nothing new in the emails from top Clinton aide Huma Abedin that were found on the laptop belonging to her estranged husband, Anthony Weiner. In a letter to lawmakers on Capitol Hill, Comey said he was not changing his recommendation from July that no charges should be brought against Clinton.