Little People In The News

But He Still Needed A Kiddy Seat

As a loving fiancée, James Lusted would often treat his bride-to-be to a nice evening out.

But during a recent meal with partner Chloe Roberts, things took a turn from the romantic to the ridiculous after a waitress mistook the 3ft 7in dwarf for a child and brought him a colouring book and crayons.

It was only when the Harvester staff member heard the 26-year-old's deep voice that she realised her embarrassing blunder.

It wasn't so funny when he left just a wee little tip for the waitress.

But It Was Just A Little Indiscretion

A Spanish woman who cheated on her fiance on her hen night with a dwarf stripper and got pregnant thought her secret was safe - until she gave birth.

Spanish website Las Cinco Del Dia reported that while the unwitting husband was convinced that the child was his throughout her pregnancy, the jig was up when their son was born in a Valencia hospital with dwarfism.

Las Cinco Del Dia's report said: "Neither her closest female friends or her family knew she had sex with the midget stripper but once she had her son in her arms, she broke down and confessed what had happened.

On the plus side, he'll be able to wear his toddler clothes until he's in college.

But I Feel Short

Federal prosecutors in Philadelphia unsealed an indictment Friday accusing 45-year-old Eric C. Opitz of bilking Medicare out of more than $535,000 by claiming he was a dwarf who needed human growth hormone.

In reality, according to the indictment, Opitz was 450 pounds and 6 feet, 3 inches.

[...]He sold, it, prosecutors say, at something like $450 for each kit. He found his customers through a brazen ad on Craigslist, according to the indictment.

So it's social security fraud, mail fraud, trafficking in human growth hormone and anabolic steroids. Something tells me it won't be just a little prison time.

Trunk Assassins

I couldn't help but think of Geico's "15 minutes could save you..." commercial when I read this:

A Manhattan man was sprung from an upstate prison Thursday after serving 15 years — only to be shot 15 minutes later by a thug he snitched on, law-enforcement sources told The Post.

The 33-year-old man was released from Otisville State Prison at 9:45 a.m. with a train ticket for a trip to a halfway house in Manhattan.

But when he got outside, someone in a white Hyundai offered him a ride — an offer he quickly accepted. 

After about two miles, the car pulled over and a second person hopped out of the trunk, pulled out a gun and fired two shots at the newly-freed man, police sources said.

The victim is in stable condition and the suspects are in custody.

The gunman had a beef with the victim for snitching on him, sources said.

These idiots waited 15 years to kill the snitch - that's 15 years to plan ahead, to carefully script their scheme, to masterfully craft a pernicious and deadly plan. They picked him up from prison in the Hyundai O'Doom, drove away from the scene, caught him completely unaware, shot him twice at point blank range and still couldn't put him down.

There is an obvious need for trunk assassin training; perhaps a community college course. I am sure the gubmint would pick up the cost.

Weed Whackers

California story.

MENDOCINO COUNTY (KPIX 5) — There’s been some mysterious activity in the skies over Mendocino County lately. Folks who live there want to know: Who are the armed men dropping out of helicopters to chop down their marijuana grows?

They dress in combat camouflage, some of them hide their faces. This summer, a group of men in Mendocino County loaded into helicopters and flew missions to eradicate marijuana. They’re not police officers. They work for a security company called Lear Asset Management.

According to their promotional poster, the group works with law enforcement .That’s why Susan Schindler suspected the posse, when her medical marijuana garden was hit last month.

Why Obama Doesn't Drive

Choom on Barak, choom on.

SEATTLE (CBS Seattle) – According to a recent study, fatal car crashes involving pot use have tripled in the U.S.

“Currently, one of nine drivers involved in fatal crashes would test positive for marijuana,” Dr. Guohua Li, director of the Center for Injury Epidemiology and Prevention at Columbia, and co-author of the study told HealthDay News.

Researchers from Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health gathered data from six states – California, Hawaii, Illinois, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and West Virginia – that perform toxicology tests on drivers involved in fatal car accidents. This data included over 23,500 drivers that died within one hour of a crash between 1999 and 2010.

[...]The researchers found that drugs played an increasing role in fatal traffic accidents. Drugged driving accounted for more than 28 percent of traffic deaths in 2010, which is 16 percent more than it was in 1999.

The researchers also found that marijuana was the main drug involved in the increase. It contributed to 12 percent of fatal crashes, compared to only 4 percent in 1999.

Story here.