Okay, I like Fox. I do, even though my favorite show is on at 2 AM CST. But ... here are the top 10 things I would like to ask or know about my favorite network:
10. Those babes at the top and the bottom of the hour ... What are the odds they are knocked on their cans on the Galveston Seawall during a hurricane?
9. Speaking of hurricanes, you know when you have Geraldo Rivera as your lib representatives on your network, you leave yourself open to criticism: "There's a man in the water!!! A man in the water!!! AHHH!! ... Oh, he's working. Back to you."
8. Unlike roller coasters, O'Reilly can only be taken in large quantities if you are on some form of medication or are under 48" tall, that is, small enough to be impressed by some one who successfully located a new big word in the dictionary. "Pusillanimous" ... Don't be a pusillanimous ... (insert smile like Biff from Back to the Future).
7. Now that Brit Hume is gone, I am glad to see Jerry Mathers landed on his feet with a new gig.
6. Speaking of Brett Baier's show, which is my second favorite on Fox, would some one (Kirsten Powers would do) just reach over and slap Krauthammer ... right in the middle of whatever he is saying? Hard. Any time and on any topic. And when he glares at you, do it again. Then, let's listen to him drone on about civility.
5. Hannity can repeat talking points with the tenacity of an auctioneer moving in for the sale. He is a surely good guy to have on our side and along for the ride (as long as there are lots of signs along the way with big print).
4. Speaking of Hannity, those sorority gals he has on to discuss (like, totally ... whatever) you know, like, political thingys and stuff ... yeah, "liberals, like suck Sean.". And they travel in pairs. Throw 'em a football. Tip drill. You know, just once they need to bring out some Minnesota curling chicks to do that segment. That would be good political TV.
3. Pat Caddell's hair. (Copyright notice: New name for a blog. It may already be taken though.)
2. Is it just me, or is Glenn Beck really this guy:
1. Shepard Smith is an odious, vapid man. ("They are murdering people on this bridge in New Orleans, you know, I'm from near here, Bill. There are thousands and thousands dead from Katrina." For which, your humble correspondent Bill O'Reilly deigned him worthy of a Peabody -- actually, a Pulitzer -- right on the spot, of course.) Shep is like, well ... Al Franken plus Red Bull and makeup, minus sense of humor.
That's all. Now, go enjoy our favorite cable channel.
Okay 11 ... Bonus: I swear, and I like Huck. But I tell you when he is up there with that bass, one time he is going to stop and break right into a commercial for some magic oil that he pulls out of his suit coat pocket. I might buy it, mind you. But I'm just sayin' ...
35 comments:
Shep can barely keep his eyes open with all that mascara. Bangkok hostesses have more taste.
And yeah, you're right about Hannity. A good guy, but his delivery is caught-in-the-zipper soprano.
Exactly, Rhod ... we'll feed Hannity the ammo but let's direct the fire ourselves.
S. Smith ... Obviously, we are making merry in this post, but he is hard to stomach. Not a reporter, and not even a worthy face jock. He is looking for the sorority sisters, I think.
I liked #7.
Shep is a network wannanbe. Nuff said.
Fox suffers from lack of competition and has become a freak show of overreaction. If a Beck or O'Reilly actually tackles a substantive issue, the newsanchor/pornstar/lingerie models make it seem trivial.
I, too, miss Tony Snow.
All in all, I'm glad Fox is there, but it would be nice if one of the networks were to also step to the forefront and serve half of the nation's political population.
"Bangkok hostesses have more taste"
Rhod, you never fail to make my day.
And this is why 455 people come here to read every day.
You guys can make absolutely anything funny!
Gene... My vote's with #2. Paddy Chayefski always gets my vote.
If Shep dyed his hair red he'd be a shoe-in for a poor-man's *snark* Carrot Top.
"Don't be a pusillanimous ... (insert smile like Biff from Back to the Future)." LOL!!
Shep has never held any interest to me.
I looked at the vid. Yeah, Glenn Beck could have played that part.
But hey, better Fox News than no Fox News at all.
Gene, glad you liked #7. Now, go get some clothes on.
Nicholas, you make an excellent point about Tony Snow. I absolutely agree. He was fantastic. I miss seeing Brit, as well. Your comment was downright substantive, until you started pining for one of the networks to become conservative. Then, you lapsed into dreaming.
Powdergirl, thanks but really ... I just carry Rhod's and Nickie's bags, and then peek in them from time to time. Good stuff in there.
And Skelton, glad you enjoyed it. It just flew off the keyboard but it's been stewing for a while.
Did I ever tell you what I think about Shep?
Of course, Opie ... but consider Nick's points.
Nick, I think it's time to take GNN to the cables. All of the internets and TV cables. And the saddlelights, too.
Some days I'd like to dwarf toss Hannity through a plate glass window. All those listeners and so little material.
How many times can you hear audio of Jeremiah Wright and Howard Dean's scream?
Powdergirl, if you think DC's writing is funny, y'oughta see his Fred Gwynn imitation.
Opie, you're correct. We're lucky that the Right have any media presence at all.
Rhod, spot on. What a waste of the Hannity audience and podium.
Exactly ... and you should see me playing him as the judge in My Cousin Vinny.
Rhod, you're a great American.
Rhod, Nick is speaking English again. I think he said you've got a spot on you. Are y'all skyping and not cutting me in?
I got a real problem talkin' to you youts today.
I think Shep is a girly man and is a politically correct coward. I love Hannity, but he needs to stop yelling quite so much, or letting people talk a little more. I think Beck might be a reincarnation of the dude in the video. I just absolutely love Huckabee.
Terri, I believe Huck is trying to do what Ronald Reagan did by staying in the public eye while the country collapsed under Jimmy Carter. The Great Communicator had a popular daily radio show.
I see Teresa has been hittin' Huck's magic sauce. Just joshing, Teresa, I like Huck, too. He's just got a large scoop of hokum in 'im.
Beck is tackling some tough things these days, and I appreciate him for it. But he appears to be permanently on the edge of snapping. He and O'Reilly are out to save the universe, don't you know?
Whatever happened to John Gibson? I liked him. I like Cavuto, too. Jennifer Griffin and Katherine Herridge are A+ reporters, as is Wendell Goler, Cameron (that smiling twerp), and others.
Oh, I just remembered that legal segment with O'Reilly where he and Megyn Kelly and Lis Wiehl get into those shouting matches about legal stuff. Makes me want to go to the window: "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!!"
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more !
I think that Huck is one hounddog and a fat lady away from being cable TVs "Hee Haw". Hannity will always have a job now that Billy Maze is gone. I keep waiting on him to pull out vegetables and a slicer. O'Reilly would be nothing without his pack of blonde eye candy. Glenn Beck should have Megan Kelly just sit at the desk with him and bat her eyes. He would kick O'Reilly's butt. Enough Bloviating!
Spooky post, Rob. It brought me back to my ill-fated campaigning on behalf of Junior Samples for the U.S. Senate in 1978.
There's three years of my life I'll never get back.
DC,
That's cool. Everyone needs a little joshing every now and then. I do love the Huckster's sauce. It finds its way down my throat very easily-and very digestible.
Beck, definitely looks like he could snap at any moment. I think he likes giving off the I care a lot but I'm slightly nuts impression, in order to keep people interested.
O'Reilly is a political correct prim and proper freak. He has this wishy washyness about him. You never know whether he's gonna lean to the left or to the right.
I like John Gibson also. I think he might be on on the weekends. How about Julie Banderas? She has a great personality and I enjoy watching her on the weekends.
Neil Cavuto is great, too.
Woody, you're always mad as hell, and we all know you're never gonna take it anymore. You're one of the rebels we can depend on.
Good comments, Teresa. Julie Banderas ... yes, I like her personality, too. (insert rimshot).
Agree with Fox and Hannity. I have never forgiven Hannity concerning his silence of the Bush big-spending years. He is vacuous and a talking-head of the right. That's not to say that he doesn't do our side service, I just don't prefer him.
cbul, I'd love to take credit for the thing, but the work was done by my beloved childhood barber, DC.
Rob is on fire ... A hound dog and a fat lady from Hee Haw? Man ... get out of town! (Martin Short voice from Father of the Bride).
Wood, man this stuff is aging you. Look at your picture, man.
Nick, I think it's hilarious (and I'm honored) that folks think you wrote it. It's all good. It happens every time.
BTW, I like the 3 Tenors. I should be on the bottom, though (bass?).
Left Coast Rebel,
You mean the recent past of relative fiscal austerity (aka the Bush Years)?
I know what you mean. I was just making a point re: Obama's deficit now is 4X greater than the Bush years. Things can always ... and will always ... get worse under Demo rule. Let us remember that.
But let us tip a glass to Left Coast Rebel and note that them are rocks in Hannity's dome.
John Gibson is at his best when he's a guest on DC's favorite show. He should be on Red Eye more often.
Hannity is on Fox because every other network needs a counter to MSNBC's Olbermann. Monotone reading, overly plastic looking hair, talking points out the wazoo, and the focus of the opposition party. Watching him stumble over the "great great great American Panel" and trying to count off the hand gestures in unison is classic.
God, I wish Krauthammer had some personality... He's so insightful, but I fall asleep while he's talking, then I miss Kirsten's.. everything. That's one liberal woman I could get to know gladly.
O'Reilly is a ratings queen anymore. Beck is the new O'Reilly, the guy actually brave enough to ask a tough question and take some heat.
Great post, DC.
Thanks, Soloman. I didn't know that Gibby was on Red Eye. I need to catch that. I like Kirsten Powers, too. Yes, she's pretty, but she is laid back and doesn't take herself too seriously and doesn't think that Republicans are Satan.
Last night, I was trying to hang in there b/c S.E. Cupp was going to be on. I wanted to see if there was any substance of just, you know, auburn hair. But alas, I couldn't make it. I will take that as God's statement that my earlier suspicions were right.
There's a lot of folks on the tube ... it just makes you wonder.
DC,
I've only seen Gibson on Red Eye 2 or 3 times over the last year or so.
You can go to The Daily Gut (Gutfeld's blog) daily and see who his scheduled guests are. I link it on my blog.
S.E. Cupp.. yeah, she looks cute, but I'm waiting for more than a canned personality from her. Something extraordinary with some substance would be nice.
Take care.
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