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August 24, 2009

All Old People will Die this Winter


BREAKING NEWS

Swine flu will kill the entire U.S. population of senior citizens this year, hospitalize 2.9 billion patients worldwide and lead to as many as 89,000,000 deaths in nations without universal health care, a worse disaster than the infamous Black Plague, White House advisers said.

In a report by the President’s Council of Advisers on Science and Technology, President Barack Obama today was urged to speed passage of his health care reform and name a senior member of the White House staff to the position of Pandemic Czar. Legislation must be passed by mid-September to allow for the vaccination of as many as 40 gazillion people, the advisory group said.

Seasonal flu usually kills about 36,000 Americans, said Ezekial Emanuel, a spokesman for the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Swine flu, also called H1N1, causes more rampant casualties among old people than seasonal flu, while leaving people 65 and older doomed to slow and painful deaths, said Mike Hunt of the CDC.

“This isn’t the flu that we’re used to,” said Kathleen Sebelius, U.S. Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services. “The 2009 H1N1 virus will kill just about everyone this fall. We won’t know until we’re in the middle of the flu season whether any of our Baby Boomers will survive, but because it’s a new strain, it’s likely to kill oodles of oldsters.”

“We are making every preparation effort assuming that Public Option health care will be available in mid-October,” Sebelius said today at the CDC’s Atlanta offices.

According to what the advisory report describes as a “plausible scenario,” 99 percent to 100 percent of the country’s senior population will be infected in the fall and winter.

25 comments:

Ron Russell said...

Damn, those are gloomy numbers however those in the administration were misinformed---the swine flu attacks the young and millions of Obama supporters will meet the grim reaper. Just another Obama misstep.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking that Vegans had better watch out.

Rhod said...

Read this...feeling..kinda...

Thud.

Anonymous said...

Rhod... Quick... loosen your bow tie. Keep fighting toward the light.

Rhod said...

It's this damn string tie with the chrome sombrero slide. DC gave it it to me. Too tight...

Anonymous said...

He gave me one of those. I didn't know what the hell it was. I used it to tie up a pot roast.

Karen K said...

I'm sure most bioethicists will be delighted with this news, Nickie-- provided, of course, that they aren't part of the statistic. Humanity is a virus, you know.

Opus #6 said...

Rhod, this is IMPORTANT. Don't listen to him. Go AWAY from the light. AWAY...

Rhod said...

Yeah, Opie, I thought Goomba's directive was a little odd.

Kid said...

Ron Russel is exactly right. Those alive now who were alive in 1918? for the Spanish flu are immune. Those alive in 1952 and exposed are pretty safe.

Young people are most at risk.
In Cincinnati a month or so ago, a 19 yr old man got it and died quickly. His 27 year old sister had it and went to hospital where she was in constant care and died after two weeks.

It also affects those who are overweight for not yet known reasons. Both of these persons were overweight.

Flu usually appears in the spring and goes away until fall, yet kids at summer camps have been catching it - in the summer of course.

What will happen in the fall when kids are confined in large numbers to class rooms ?

I have a bad feeling about this one. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Oops, did I say toward the light? Ignore that. Do the other thing!

Anonymous said...

Karen, they're right. We're but a smudge on the universal petri dish.

Anonymous said...

Terri, Obama's hope and change narrative never mentioned scare tactics. You must be wrong.

Anonymous said...

Kid, I hope you're wrong. But, even if it doesn't live up to grim predictions, the cable news and MSM outlets will play it like the end of the world.

Kid said...

I also hope I'm wrong.

Yea, reminds me of that Eagles tune lyrics - "As the blond tells you about the plane crash with the gleam in her eye"

Teresa said...

Nickie,
Of course, Obama the liar is promoting hope and change with his scare tactics. The kind of hope that gets sucked like a vacuum everyday. Sucking the hope and change right outta the air. LOL

Anonymous said...

Terri, somehow I suspect that nobody's gonna be taking the hope out of you!

Snarky Basterd said...

Oh, yeah...it's my kids and the people who voted for Obugger who will bite the dust, along with a few of us Tea Party over 40 types. Oldsters? They'll be passing joints they'll be so care free.

Luckily for my kids, they can get the vaccine...and contract Gullian Barre Syndrome. (Sorry, Nickie...in real life, I work in the health care industry.)

It's such a lovely time for health care "debate" in America.

Anonymous said...

Dave, you're on the front lines. Fight the good fight!

McGonagall said...

The H1N1 virus was manufactured and the vaccine is designed to make it mutate into a much more virulent form. The remnants of the human population will be herded together into gulags/resettlement centres where they will receive free global government re-education before being shipped off to northern Canada.

There, in the only habitable land left in North America due to global warming, they will make Mukluks for sale to their brother globals in Siberia - the only habitable region left in Europe.

The seat of Global Government will be transferred for Beijing to White Horse where President for Life - Tony Blair - with Vice President -Barak Hussein Obama - will lead humanity to new heights of achievement through a succession of five year plans ... and a great leap forward.

All Hail Our Dear Leader - President for Life - Tony Blair.

This message has been brought to you by - The Carlyle Group - Got a Problem - We Got the Solution!!!

Anonymous said...

Scunnert, you left out some key players...

1. Saatchi & Saatchi
2. Jean Alexander
3. Ian Botham
4. Zola Budd

The bastards must be stopped.

Matt said...

Hmm, is this just a plot to render the "death panels" irrelevant? After all ,if ya knock off granny with the flu, then she doesn't show up at the town hall meeting to berate some Obamatron.

Dr. Dave, isn't the H1N1 supposed to get the younger folks more easily?

Opus #6 said...

Matt, that was my first thought on seeing the headline.

Gia's Spot said...

Huh?? Regular old flu flu kills more people every flu season.... hmmm wonder where they are getting their statistics from?? Scare tactics once again... I wonder, am I in the "young" group or the "old" group? Anyone???? this might be an important distinction.......

Rhod said...

Nothing can kill me. I sprinkle that virus on my bran flakes every morning. They die screaming.