August 15, 2011

More Strudel, Mein Führer?

BRITAIN hatched a bizarre plan to win the Second World War by turning Hitler into a WOMAN.

The Allies secretly schemed to smuggle female sex hormones into the Fuhrer’s food in an attempt to curb his ­aggression.

If the plot – like something out of TV comedy Blackadder – had gone ahead, it could have turned Herr Hitler into Her Hitler.

It was just one of a number of outlandish ideas to break the war’s stalemate, according to a new book by a leading academic.

Others included ­dropping glue on Nazi troops in an attempt to stick them to the ground and disguising bombs in tins of fruit being imported to Germany.

The hare-brained schemes are revealed for the first time in Secret Weapons: Technology, Science And The Race To Win World War II. They have come to light now because of the recent publication of documents not ­previously seen because of their ­sensitive nature.

The book by Professor Brian Ford, a fellow at Cardiff University and pioneer of popular science, revealed that the British Government was serious about giving Hitler a sex change.

He said: “There was an allied plan that they would smuggle oestrogen into Hitler’s food and change his sex so he would become more feminine and less ­aggressive.

“Their research had showed the importance of sex hormones – they were beginning to be used in sex therapy in London.

“The plan was to give sex hormones to Hitler and counterbalance his ­unnecessary aggression.”

Professor Ford said the plan was perfectly feasible because British spies were in place to lace his food.

He added: “There were agents who would be able to get it into his food – it would have been entirely possible.


Anonymous said...

My question is: Which genius thought it was a good idea to give Hitler a menstruel cycle?

Anonymous said...

Amen Nickie.
What would have Hitler been like with PMS?

Doom said...

Yeah, I was going to say... I think women are less aggressive, true, but not because of hormones (which might be the one catch). They are less aggressive because, through life, they realize beyond any doubt that they are smaller and weaker. I think most women learn very quickly that direct aggression fails them.

This would have made Hitler, well, even more murderous. Women in power are terribly dangerous, from what I have seen. Fickle too. Yes, and I wouldn't vote for Palin or Bachmann to save my life.

Anonymous said...

maybe thats why he had a daughter and not a son lol

Andy said...

Desperate times call for desperate measures? It would have been interesting to be in the room, when after protracted silence, some earnest bloke put that idea out on the table.

Doom said...

You have to think that there was laughter until tears, and then a calming silence as they all wondered about a breasted Hitler... then remembered their mothers and schoolmarms from when they were children. And how absolutely furious he would be at his new appendages. Are breast appendages? Or... what are they officially termed?

sig94 said...

At least there would have been lovely curtains, fragrant caches and dollies in all the death camps.

Anonymous said...

And I'll bet all the dollies embroidered doilies.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

It would have turned that bunker into a mini-San Francisco ... Oh thay.

sig94 said...

Nicky - dollies is German slang for "Curse of teh Misspeled Ones."

Kid said...

And it was hitler's aggression that brought him down. Refusing to let his army retreat at Stalingrad for example as well as many other places.

This may have had the opposite effect.
Then again, some women can be quite brutal. Cutting babies out of other women for example. Small % to be sure.

Maybe they did get the stuff into his food. It is known he had no problem with homosexual troops.
Oh hell, I don't know, whatever you guys think.

Reichsführer-SS said...

Hitler would kick your fuckin' teeth in.

Kid said...

Hey Reichsführer-SS
Hitler was a homo himself. Could barely hold it together with a woman.
Always sent his boys to do the dirty work. When it came time to pay up, and after sending his hitler youth onto the streets to commit suicide in battle with the Russians like Men, he pussed out like the punk he was and shot himself in the head, or maybe ran to Brazil to play rumproaster with Himelick.
No go fuck off.

Doom said...

Oh? Hitler couldn't have handled my little sister, I taught her everything she knows. But not everything I know. Hitler couldn't handle my gas, next.

Anonymous said...

Kid, you make us proud.

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Andy said...

Seems that ol' Schicklgruber has his own personal Chris Matthews out there somewhere... Na-ja.

sig94 said...

Hitler was an AC/DC psychotic who only had the guts to be directly involved in the death of one person, his new wife. All the genocide was carried out from a safe distance by his minions.

Oh yeah, Hitler kicked some serious bootie - NOT.

If it were the Americans who had surrounded Berlin, Hilter would have surrendered. He lacked the personal courage to face what the Russkies wanted to dish out.