50 Ways To Kill Your Lover

The son of now deceased North Korean President Poofy Hair is cleaning out old love letters he left in his dresser drawer. Rumor is he kept the ribbon.

Kim Jong-un's ex-lover 'executed by firing squad'
Kim Jong-un's ex-girlfriend was among a dozen well-known North Korean performers who were executed by firing squad nine days ago, according to South Korean reports.

Hyon Song-wol, a singer, rumoured to be a former lover of the North Korean leader, is said to have been arrested on Aug 17 with 11 others for violating laws against pornography.

The reports in South Korea's Chosun Ilbo newspaper indicate that Hyon, a singer with the Unhasu Orchestra, was among those arrested on August 17 for violating domestic laws on pornography.

All 12 were machine-gunned three days later, with other members of North Korea's most famous pop groups and their immediate families forced to watch. The onlookers were then sent to prison camps, victims of the regime's assumption of guilt by association, the reports stated.

“They were executed with machine guns while the key members of the Unhasu Orchestra, Wangjaesan Light Band and Moranbong Band as well as the families of the victims looked on,” said a Chinese source reported in the newspaper.

This guy just isn't evil. He's bat-shit, Lizzy Borden jonesing for an axe PMS, eat-a-puppy-alive-starting-at-the-tail evil.

"I've got a problem", Kim Jong-un said to her

Just get into this van along with  my chauffeur
My wife's complaining, to shut her up  I must infer
There's over fifty ways to kill your lover

Hyon said it's not my fault your dick is small
And that's no reason to stand me up against a wall
But I've got my Bible and I guess that says it all
You're just determined to kill your lover
Over fifty ways to kill your lover

Just shoot her in the back, Jack
Aim it at her head, Fred
It's a bloody job, Bob
So listen to me
No need to make a fuss, Gus
Give the trigger a light touch
Don't listen to her plea, Lee
Blow her off her knees