August 23, 2014

Edict, Schmeedict, They're Perverts

Al Arabiya News carries some important information for Peeping Prophets.
An Egyptian preacher’s controversial remarks have hit the headlines this week after he issued a fatwa (religious edict) allowing a man to see his wife-to-be “while she is showering” before they marry.

In a video, Salafist preacher Usama al-Qawsi said that the man can “hide" while watching the woman he “intends to marry” bathe.

“If you were really honest and wanted to marry that woman, and you were able to hide and watch her in secret, see the things that she wouldn’t usually let you see before marrying her, then it is acceptable as long as your intentions are pure,” Qawsi said in a video.

“One of the Prophet’s companions did that. Some disapproved and told him: ‘How do you do that when you’re one of the Prophet’s companions?’ The Prophet answered: ‘If you can see something that would make you want to marry her then go ahead and do it.’”
Of course the reasoning behind this is very important:
‘If you can see something that would make you want to marry her then go ahead and do it.’

But if you're already engaged... what is this "intend to marry" stipulation. Does she even have to know about it?

In my mind, there are other concerns of paramount importance.
What if there are lots of other guys at the same window?
What if you made reservations?
Can you bring your own seating?
Are snacks allowed?
How do you know those with pure intentions as opposed to those without? (Yeah there's a way, sure, but some guys are pretty sneaky when it comes to that).
Can you use surveillance or video recording equipment?
Can you bring your own lighting?
Most important - What if you see something that makes you not want to marry her?
Pertaining to the final item, while gazing upon your beloved, you might witness such things as:
  • Too much body hair
  • Too many fingers/toes
  • Too many nipples
  • Too many genitalia
  • Wrong genitalia
  • No genitalia
  • Uncontrolled flatulence in the tub
  • Preoccupation with sniffing bubbles brought about by the above
  • Lighting the gas released by bubbles
  • Presence of her mother in the tub at the same time
  • Mother striking the matches for the bubbles
  • Presence of her father/brothers/uncles in the tub yada yada
  • Presence of family pets in the tub yada yada
  • Drinking the tub water
After all, we're talking about places like Yemen.
I'm sure you can think of other things...



LL said...

You asked if snacks are allowed.

Must they be "halal" or may I bring pork rinds? This is the really important question in my mind.

One too many toes or flatulence doesn't mean much in that part of the world where camels are inseminated by their riders with such gusto.

Kid said...

;-). Well islam is all about the use and abuse of women. It's all on the table.

sig94 said...

LL - bacon flavored pork rinds are mandatory

sig94 said...

Kid - they've certainly been up front about it for the past 1400 years.