February 20, 2015

In The News

Shortly after announcing his resignation, Williams was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Visibly shaken, Williams could only murmur, "the horror" before walking away. He was last seen walking on 6th Avenue stroking his PTSD relief shih tzu dog...
Disgraced NBC News anchor Brian Williams has resigned from the Congressional Medal of Honor Foundation’s board of directors.

In a statement announcing the resignation Thursday, foundation president Ron Rand did not elaborate on Williams’ reason for the decision.

Williams, 55, has been on the foundation’s board since 2006. The organization supports the Congressional Medal of Honor Society, which presents the country’s highest military award for acts of valor above and beyond the call of duty.
The occasion of the 70th anniversary of the Battle for Iwo Jima sparked Williams' PTSD episode.

Citing Dramatic Increase in Posterior Circumference, Michele Obama Releases Hundreds of Broomsticks That are Now Too Small

In a press release, DoD Undersecretary Harfa was quoted as saying, "These broomsticks were originally purchased in 2009 as part of Operation Ass Lift and,  having been decommissioned, are no longer flight capable. Under existing NATO reciprocal military equipment recycling agreements, these broomsticks were delivered to the Bundeswehr, Germany's Armed Forces."
The German army has faced a shortage of equipment for years, but the situation has recently become so precarious that some soldiers took matters into their own hands.

On Tuesday, German broadcaster ARD revealed that German soldiers tried to hide the lack of arms by replacing heavy machine guns with broomsticks during a NATO exercise last year. After painting the wooden sticks black, the German soldiers swiftly attached them to the top of armored vehicles, according to a confidential army report which was leaked to ARD.
Replacing Michele's broomsticks is no easy task. The White House has approved the purchase of an additional wide-load capable aircraft to support Operation Ass Lift.

Nicknamed, "Big Booty," the Lockheed Corporation is refitting a C-5A Galaxy with eight additional GE90 jet engines, four JATO packs, a catapult launch mechanism at Andrews AFB and a heavy duty fork-lift assisted passenger entry gangway.

Terrified By Possibility Of Another Attack On Trenton, New Jersey Police Arrest Flintlock Pistol Packing Terrorist

NJ's Cumberland County sheriff deputies must have attended a seance wherein they contacted the ghosts of 18th century Hessian soldiers killed in the 1776 Christmas morning attack by Gen. George Washington on the city of Trenton, New Jersey.

Alarmed by the prospect of another such attack, this week Cumberland County deputies arrested a retired English teacher potential terrorist armed with an unloaded 200+ year old flintlock pistol that mightcould be used to terrify an entire county if:
a) black powder and ball were available, and
b) it fired without blowing up and killing the person holding it.

Gordon Van Gilder, a 72-year-old retired schoolteacher in New Jersey, faces a 10-year prison sentence for possessing an unloaded 18th-century flintlock pistol in his car.

Mr. Van Gilder, a collector of 18th-century memorabilia, said he had the gun unloaded and wrapped in a cloth in the glove compartment of his vehicle when he was pulled over in November by a Cumberland County sheriff’s deputy for a minor traffic violation, according to a video posted last week by NRA News.

After consenting to a search of his vehicle, Mr. Van Gilder said he alerted the deputy of the pistol in his glove box. The deputy let him go that night, but four police officers showed up at his home the next morning with an arrest warrant, he told NRA News.
Although Cumberland County is about 75 miles south of Trenton, sheriff's deputies have been stationed along the Delaware River on the county's south shore, standing as a bulwark against rowboats that might be laden with hundreds of musket-bearing, sword-wielding terrorists.

Cumberland County, you may rest easy tonight, secure in the vigilance of your police.

Because... it happened once, it could happen again.


Fredd said...

Thank God for those Cumberland County police. Good work, men. Owing to your excellent training and superior judgement, the country is safer now that this maniacal weapon of mass destruction wielding terrorist has been disarmed.

Kudos, you guys. You make me proud (tear wiped from my eye here, trust me, I am busting with pride).

Sarcasm button off now. Asswipe cops make law enforcement look bad again. When will this ever end? Our entire nation needs an upgrade of law enforcement personnel. Every city, town, village, and wide spot in the road. Everywhere.

Our cops are nothing but a bunch of Barney Fifes when we should be getting Harry Calahans for our tax dollars. And these pathetic cops still put ketchup on their hotdogs and say to each other 'make my day.'

Asswipes. All of 'em.

WoFat said...

Y'all drive careful now.

LL said...

I heard about the flintlock incident. What shameful behavior by law enforcement.

But it's NJ. If the owner was in the mafia, none of this misfortune would have befallen him.

sig94 said...

Since no arrest was made until the next day, I have a feeling that the cops were ordered to do so. They may not have agreed with the order, but it was an order .... possibly an arrest warrant (but that seems to have been issued very, very quickly).

Needless to say, the whole thing still stinks. Knowing the politial climate of his jurisdiction (unless he was a naive rookie), the cop who made the initial V&T stop should never have mentioned anything about the flintlock.

One other nasty thought...
If that antique gun was worth some bucks, this might be a way for some "connected" thief to get his hands on it. Dollars to donuts Mr. Van Gilder will never see that gun again.

Doom said...

As for Moosshell, put her on the diet she has put kids on. Randomly select a school to send her one of her own delicious meals, accounting for her moose size and appetite, of course. Let these serve her for lunch and dinner. She would probably just end up eating her kids. Then again, not sure I see a problem there either. Especially as dynastic as US politics seems to be heating.

Fredd said...

The odds that this cop wanted to convert this antique flintlock out of the possession of Mr. Van Gilder is way above zero. Cops around the country use their authority all the time to take what they want.

Not all cops, but way way WAY too many do this. All the time.