April 7, 2015

In The News

Looks Like Potato Chips Are Back On The Menu
For years, the federal government has advised Americans that they are eating too much salt, and that this excess contributes yearly to the deaths of tens of thousands of people.

But unknown to many shoppers urged to buy foods that are “low sodium” and “low salt,” this longstanding warning has come under assault by scientists who say that typical American salt consumption is without risk.

Moreover, according to studies published in recent years by pillars of the medical community, the low levels of salt recommended by the government might actually be dangerous.
The expression, "Go pound salt," now has an entirely new, healthier connotation. Greet your friends with this, they'll thank you.

Just What Is It About Drugs And Naked Guys?
A Florida man who stripped off his clothes and ran through Fort Lauderdale traffic to escape imaginary killers hot on his heels was high on “flakka,” the synthetic drug that appears poised to supplant bath salts as the leading cause of hallucinatory havoc, cops report.

Following his apprehension, Matthew Kenney, 34, told police that after smoking the synthetic drug he began fleeing pursuers who had stolen his clothing and were intent on murdering him.
All narcotic compounds should be categorized as to their propensity to get you naked. A Category I Narcotic would get you shirtless after smoking or snorting a gram. A Category II Narcotic would have you down to underwear and socks after doing two grams. A Category III Narcotic would have you naked on the interstate dry humping a guard rail after sniffing the wrapper.

More Clinton Stains
“There was blood all over the president and first lady’s bed,” writes former White House reporter Kate Anderson Brower. “A member of the residence staff got a frantic call from the maid who found the mess. Someone needed to come quickly and inspect the damage. The blood was Bill Clinton‘s. The president had to get several stitches to his head.”
But what difference does it make? So buck up Bill, Ambassador Stevens didn't bitch about his treatment at the hands of your wife.


Kid said...

I hope no one thinks the hildebeast cares about what billyboy does.

Fredd said...

I thought we hit a national all time historic low when we elected Barack Obama in 2008. I was proven wrong when we re-elected him in 2012.

Now we are looking at a Hillary Clinton campaign to grab the White House in 2016, which looks ominously possible. With her resume so lacking any real accomplishments, that never seems to matter: Barry had no resume to speak of before his ascendency.

We're screwed, unless the GOP can pull a rabbit out of its hat.