It was long past time that we got a post-American, post-everything President like Barack Obama. This is our time, this is our White House, and it's our country after two other attempts to own it. First, we tried Gore, and then dipped lower with Kerry, but now we have Kerry's smarter replacement, Barack.
Barack and I know who you guys are. You're the bloats trying to squeeze through the turnstiles at Disney World, or in Paris at the Pompidou Center, in tennis shoes as big as Teddy Bears. You can't speak French; why you can't even speak English! You're an American version of one of those tanned, lardy beach-rat Germans in an electric-blue thong, and your women are no classier than one of those horse-faced French harridans in purple mascara. The Europeans are superior to you provincial rubes in every way.Barack cuddled up to those gassy Euro-trash clowns at the Brandenberg because someone had to treat the wounds caused by Chimpy McBushitlerhaliburton. At Copenhagen, recently, Barack showed them what he was made of. They loved him. Those international worthies would have licked his shoes just to look up his pants leg. They gave him a Nobel Prize, didn't they?
We care about people; you don't. In my travels I've rubbed elbows with all the repellent hoards in this wonderful wide world - mewling New York Jewish widows, aromatic homicidal Russians, Italians in white shoes, diabolical Asians draped in cameras, obsequious sub-continentals, stupid Poles, damaged lachrymose Czechs, a veritable corral-bred swarm of people so inferior to me and Barack that a high-voltage cordon with trip flares and concertina wire isn't definite enough to keep them out of Greenwich, and I loved them all.
We have intellectuals, you have muddlers. We have Al Gore and Kerry, and Reid and lots of others, who all look like animatronic dummies from some dim Restoration Comedy, but you bonehead conservatives don't even know what a Restoration Comedy is, and that's worse! Our guys could slip like Crisco into satin breaches and you idiots are comfortable in Jeans!
Barack is invulnerable to your charges of elitism because he's black, and therefore incapable of the lure of upper-classness. So am I, you lowborn, beetle-browed dope! Marx was right about a lot of things, especially the class struggle, but he was wrong about its properties. It isn't about materialism and the means of production, it's about status and prestige. Elections in this free society aren't about governance, they're about putting people like us in power and people like you in your place. That's why I voted for Barack Obama, and will next time around.
Emphatically,
A Damn Proud and Humble Liberal
16 comments:
Dang Mr. Progresso, you sure speak purty. I had me a ten dollah whore onct that didin speak haf as purty as you. And I really do like yer soup.
Sig, after reading your comment, you hominid, I washed my eyes out with Chateau Rothschild and flicked talc from my sleeve onto the monitor.
Ugh...
Signed,
ADPHL
It's not me, (L). It's him. He confuses me, too.
Gotta admire someone who is proud about their humility!
Velcro and Opie, with progressivism you get modest, charitable elitism. Their ethical world is defined by status.
Rhod, take the medication. I'm beginning to get a bit chuffed with your annual Post-Yule delusions of Liberal grandeur.
Last year we all kindly looked the other way when you posted as Friedrich Engels and claimed that the presence of Miley Cyrus in some music video was tantamount to the return of child labor to the USA.
You offended many when, in January 2006, you challenged the ghosts of Curtis LeMay and George Wallace to a footrace across the commons at UConn, the winner claiming "a full flagon of the bitter wine squeezed from the blood and sinew of the laboring masses".
Spring cannot come too soon.
Yup, what Sig94 said. We consarvatifs should just waddle back to under our rocks and shuddup.
I'll answer you later, Nick.
Right now they're demanding I release some water for the tenant farmers outside the walls. I'll be busy for a couple of hours with the trebuchet and a pile of dead cows.
By the way, that LeMay-Wallace thing put UCONN on the map. The high point was a spectral visit from Bomber Harris.
Fredd, Hum-Lib thinks it's funny that you spell Fred with two d's.
I think if we looked into it a little bit further, we'd learn that Fredd can barely afford that extra d. He's just naming way beyond his means.
Hum-Lib: Fredd has two dees cuz we consarvatifs aint so gud with book larnin' and sich.
You know, nummers, ledders, it gits so consarned confoosin.
Ah gots to go now, mah head herts frum thinkin to much.
Hum-Lib is happily superior to you now Doubledee.
It's really too bad that the progs don't just stay in Europe rubbing elbows with all those stereotypes they so admire. Things would sure be nicer here if they did.
A perfect example of this thought though was Clair McCaskill in her failed run for the governor. When she lost she said that she didn't concentrate enough in the rural areas. She said she was unaware that the rural people would care about education or taxes. And then the people still elected the elitist cow to the senate.
Do rural people even pay taxes?
Rhod, since you mentioned cows...
A great author once said:
I don't care who is holding the cow, as long as I get to milk her.
I only wish I knew what that meant.
http://www.ssrsi.org/Onsite/BBStext/resister.htm
Special Forces Resister- for when the time comes...
Supposedly anyway--------- I guess it's real.
Opus- you get prettier every day!
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