December 7, 2010

The Church Of Poppycock

The criminal justice system in the Land of the Lost, formerly known as Great Britain, just got a whole bunch of strange injected into its correctional facilities.

Hundreds of criminals are to be given four days a year off prison work - to celebrate pagan festivals.

Prison governors have been issued with a list of eight annual pagan holidays and told pagan inmates can choose four to celebrate.

The festivals include Imbolc - The Festival of the Lactating Sheep - which falls on February 1 and is dedicated to the goddess Brighid.

Another is the festival of Beltane, which falls in early May, devotees are urged to celebrate the Sun God with 'unabashed sexuality and promiscuity'.

And those eight approved Festivals are:

I see that to prepare for Imbolc, I'll have to shovel the snow from my back yard.

The Summer Solstice? Better get back on the treadmill. Right. Now.

Beltane? I'll need to hire a stand in or move to another state if my wife catches me.



Rhod said...

Shoosh, anyone who's been to Salisbury Plain and Stonehenge would want to give England's Iowa away to whomever wanted to use it. I cairn understand it.

My historicist theory is that Britain's past two hundred years was a fluke, enacted by the genetic groups that hadn't yet. been out-bred by the Normans.

What you see now is a country run by Normans, and what can you expect from people named Norman? Frenchiness.

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe it's almost Imbolc again. It seems to come around faster every year. After last February's fiasco, I'm renting my rocks this year.

Another change for this May: I'm combining Beltane with Cinco de Mayo into a 5-day drunken spree... sort of like my 5th marriage.

Anonymous said...

Reading the UK newspapers is like watching a suicide in slow motion.

Chris said...

It's just like the Old Testement.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thanks for the date calendar. I can now plan my year.

Anonymous said...

Odie, are you guys coming over for Beltame dinner this year?

sig94 said...

I am gratified to see that the diverse membership of GNN is responding so positively to the calendar of events posted above. This is exactly what we need if we are to reach out to those who are not pan-theistic impaired.

Please remember, Odin's Birthday is always the second full moon after Beltane. Plan your gift giving and the 4th of July accordingly - say, a Valhalla BBQ where everyone gets "hammered?"

banned said...

Normally I'm the first in to defend Britains interest but in this respect I think that I'll just go and have a little cry for what used to be a beautiful country.

Anonymous said...

Lammas? Yes, I always like it when the pagans go on long walks ... like after Nov. 2012.

They Say/We Say said...

Paganism was the force that made Arthurian Folk lore a romantic period in time. And as time wore on the people, understanding that that is the downfall of King Arthur (you had to be there). England made such progress to the Super Power that Christian-Judea principals of the post Arthurian period.
The Queen of England (Elizabeth) of today, was Incarnated with the Proclamation: Hale to the Queen of England/Hale to the Queen of Israel.
It is sad to see a slumping a back to the old Druid days. I must say this is paving the way for the Return of King Arthur.

banned said...

I meant to add that serving Police Officers can and do insist that they are pagans and take their 'holy days' as leave in lieu of Christmas and Easter.

Don't believe me?

"The purpose of the PPA is to support serving and retired police officers and staff who follow a Pagan faith, whilst raising awareness of pagan issues within their services (Police Forces, Services as they are now known)... "

Krystal said...

The stupidity of releasing prisoners for holidays is lowering my IQ...