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February 20, 2011

Hey!! Nickie Goomba is going to the Royal Wedding!


Me and Maria knew it was gonna happen, but you can imagine the excitement around Casa Goomba when we opened yesterday's mail and, hidden within a stack of Land's End catalogues and MasterCard bills, there was a purple and cream velour envelope containing our invitation to the big event.

Maria immediately gave Billy and Kate a quick e-mail to find out where they're registered. I said, "Are you nuts? This trip is gonna cost us a fortune as it is. Just rewrap that Panashiba iPod knock-off your cousin Carla dumped on us at Christmas. Who's gonna know?"

Good news: I was worried about renting a tux, but the invitation gives me the choice of wearing a "lounge suit". Whew! That makes it easy. I have a classic in the closet.




25 comments:

Wetzy said...

Don't give an ipod without filling it with Jerry Vale music.

Zio Rico said...

The lounge suit is perfect but this will be a classy event. You will need the right hat to go with it. I'm torn between a top hat or a derby.

Opus #6 said...

I can never resist a velour envelope.

LL said...

I think you should attend in top hat and spats -- and whatever else in-between that you can work out. You're there by royal edict and God knows you'll be one of the least eccentric people there.

sig94 said...

I know that you and Maria will have a great time at the reception. Just remember what happened at JoLo's wedding and stay away from the Screaming Orgasm mixed drinks.

If the IPod doesn't work out, CBS has just released a "Best of All In The Family" six DVD set that includes the best of all eight years of the series. From the way the royals scarfed up all the Godfather DVD's from Obongo, this is sure to be their favorite wedding present.

And be sure to tell Kate that we called the Special Investigations guys; they burned all those negatives. Okay, most of them. They kept the ones with the tassles. And the donkey.

Nickie Goomba said...

Wetz... I'm going with Al Martino music. Jerry Vale is a little too edgy.

Nickie Goomba said...

Zio... It will probably be a white bowler. Now the eBay search begins.

Nickie Goomba said...

Opie... It may sound classy, but it takes hours to steam off the sealing wax.

Nickie Goomba said...

LL... Leave it to a true bon vivant to perfectly complete the outfit. Spats it is!

Nickie Goomba said...

Siggie... Why do you think I was invited? I don't need negatives. I was there.

Let me assure you that there is nothing sexy about a young woman singing "Begin the Beguine" while an equine prodigy gyrates in the background. And guess who, at the end of the festivities and drunk as an 'edgehog, was assigned the task of removing the tassels from the donkey. Yours truly.

Cor, blimey!!

LL said...

Cut a mean rug for all the little people who weren't invited, eat from a serving tray of canapes with no hands and drink boiler makers from the Queen's private reserve of single malt scotch -- BE AN AMERICAN COUSIN!

Nickie Goomba said...

LL... I'm sure they're gonna have a band and a dance floor at this shindig. I figure I'll slip the band leader a few sawbucks to insure me and Maria get to do our three favorite wedding dances:

1. The Macarena
2. The Electric Slide
3. The Watusi

Don't worry, my friend. We'll be representin'.

Hogdayafternoon said...

I was actually chatting to one of the Royal Princesses last month. She never mentioned you until I dropped your name, thus ruining my own chances of an invitation. (One of the previous two sentences is pure BS, the other is 100% true ;)

Jg. for FatScribe said...

if lame-arse imbeciles can get into BHO's soiree, i'm sure you can crash a royal bash with aplomb.

dashing and debonair parvenu Americans will be rubbing shoulders with the dilatory and dilettante sycophants.

good luck, Nickie G!

Zio Rico said...
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Nickie Goomba said...

Nice try, Hogman. Nobody considers Esther Rantzen one of the Royal Princesses.

Nickie Goomba said...

Jg... The unwashed dining with the unspeakable.

Rhod said...
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Hogdayafternoon said...

It was in the half light - a mistake anyone could make. (I initially thought it was a horse)

banned said...

They tried to get me along but I'm sure it was just to make up the numbers so I told them I was busy.

LL said...

I've been thinking. There must be a way for me to be invited. Then I hit on it! I could be their wedding singer...for later in the evening when everyone is smashed and nobody cares how well I sing!! I thought of leading the crowd in a few drinking chanties and maybe a round of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall (I've heard THAT is the Queen's favorite).

Amusing Bunni said...

Have fun, Nickie! I'm sure you'll look wonderful.
I'm still laughing this morning, as they are showing the invites all over the news shows, and they keep making the point that obummer & hag are NOT invited! hee hee.

Rhod said...

I'm glad Evelyn Waugh isn't alive to see this.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

And may I make a suggestion for the wedding gift. Gather a collection of your writings here and have them bound into a book. It would be a great companion to Obama's tapes of his greatest speeches.

sig94 said...

Really Bunni, isn't that a scream? Must be that Wookies and metrosexual half breeds are an endangered species and they're afraid that flying will interfere with their breeding habits. Hell, 40 ounces of malt liquor and they're right back on schedule.