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May 9, 2011

Looking For Smarts In All The Wrong Places

SETI DOORMAT
Please wipe your feet before inserting anal probe

The SETI Program, "Search For Extraterrestrial Intelligence," was initiated in 1984 as a non-profit organization whose goal is to be the first one on the block to hear Alpha Centauri's version of Michael Jackson. So far nothing substantial has been found. SETI is comprised of three centers, the Center for SETI Research, the Carl Sagan Center for the Study of Life in the Universe and the Center for Education and Public Outreach.



Federal money was discontinued in 1993 when Congress yanked the plug, it has continued using private funding but even that is now drying up. SETI is now seeking assistance to prevent the shutting down of the Allen Telescope Array at UC Berkley's Hat Creek Radio Observatory.


If by some miracle a signal is discovered that meets the criteria designating an "intelligent" source, then notifications are made:

Once an extraterrestrial transmission is detected, there’s an established, though informal, protocol for whom to inform, says Welch with a grin. It’s no longer the President of the United States or even the Secretary General of the United Nations who gets the first call. It is investor and philanthropist Paul G. Allen, cofounder of Microsoft. A major underwriter of the SETI project, he will be the first to know when the aptly named Allen Telescope Array, or ATA, has breaking news to report.

If everything that MicroSoft touches runs true to form, we will all be instantly subjected to the "Blue Screen O'Death" and will vanish as a species overnight.

“I am very excited to be supporting one of the world’s most visionary efforts to seek basic answers to some of the fundamental questions about our universe,” says Allen. “The developments taking place with this new instrument will change the landscape of how telescopes will be built in the future.”

Suggestion: point these antenna at the White House and see if there are any signs of intelligence coming from there. We'd all like to know.

14 comments:

Trestin said...

I'm glad they cut it, even the UFO crowd think it's a waste. Why do we think they would have similar technology.

Doom said...

Just send me a couple billion and I will give you an answer about the W.H. posthaste. Hey, I'm just trying to save you some frustration. I think the Three Stooges have it over the W.H. at this point, with some caveats. First, if one assumes the admin is trying to be helpful to America. Second, that the defense of the nation is paramount. And there are some others. If not, there might be some very intelligent things going on there. But... I need a couple billion to know.

You know my address. Oh, and don't send it in $1's.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ooh ooh ooh ... I have a question. What do you do if you detect technology (life) 1,000,000 light years away? Get in you electric car and go investigate?

The Underground Pewster said...

If they point those scopes at Washington they might discover the only place in the universe that is surrounded on all sides by reality.

sig94 said...

Trestin - Congress eliminated federal funding for SETI in 1993. It took less time for Congress to figure out this boondoogle than it did for top MicroSoft executives. Ain't that scary? No wonder half their products are POS.

sig94 said...

Doom - you really need to apply for a grant. It will be a bargain.

sig94 said...

Odie - really, we'll just send them crap that they don't understand, piss them off royally and they'll fly over here and give us all anal probes. I wonder if that's the entire reason for SETI - to get intergalactic enemas.

sig94 said...

Pewster - and none of it gets through.

Kid said...

Well, it is nice to hear we haven't been paying for attracting predator aliens to our planet since 1993 anyway.

sig94 said...

Kid - they haven't figured out how to hitch up their skirts and swing their hips via radio telescope.

Doom said...

No application for grants here. I'm too wise for that. However, I might have to consider creating a consultancy consortium on these various tasks. Just that I can write that qualifies me. As I hear it, it isn't how good your idea is, it is how crossed the eyes of the bureaucrat making the decisions become upon reading the applications which is the basis for acceptance. I make everybody a bit cross, natively. Think what I could do with some effort.

Doom said...

Hey, would you consider a subcontract, by the way?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sig94, the operative phrase here was "!,000,000 light years" to get from here to there.

sig94 said...

Odie - to one of these space cadets that's enough to go screaming to the gov't for a few billion more. Plus another few billion to see if a Prius could be rigged to make the trip.