October 19, 2013

Diversity Is My Middle Name

I stumbled across this listing and was so moved that I had to share it with you. Here is a sample of some actual diversity dates that corporations expect you to celebrate in joyous ooooh whatever.
January 14 is Makar Sankranti, a major harvest festival celebrated in various parts of India.
[This may be one of the festivals where you can throw your wife in a burning pyre. The gods will be pleased. ~ sig94]

January 20 is World Religion Day. This day is observed by those of the Baha’i faith to promote interfaith harmony and understanding.
[This is also know as "Peyote and Kumbaya" Day. ~ sig94]

February 11 is Losar, the Tibetan Buddhist New Year. Losar, which means “new year” in Tibetan, is considered the most important holiday in Tibet.
[Since their invasion of Tibet, it also means "loser" in Chinese~ sig94]

March 10 is Mahashivratri, a Hindu holiday that honors Shiva, one of the Hindu deities.
[Since no one knows for sure how many Hindu gods and goddesses there are, there probably ain't enough freaking days in a century to celebrate every one of them. Since they all don't get along they won't agree to one big massive bash and leave us alone the rest of the year. Let's face it, one has six or eight arms, one has four butts, another has a homicidal streak a mile wide - it ain't easy picking out party music. ~ sig94]

April is Celebrate Diversity Month, started in 2004 to recognize and honor the diversity surrounding us all. By celebrating differences and similarities during this month, organizers hope that people will get a deeper understanding of each other.
[This is also know as "We Get To Hire Another Useless Asshole In The HR Department" Month. ~ sig94]

May is Asian-American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month in the United States. The month of May was chosen to commemorate the immigration of the first Japanese to the United States on May 7, 1843, and to mark the anniversary of the completion of the transcontinental railroad on May 10, 1869. The majority of the workers who laid the tracks on the project were Chinese immigrants.
[This is not to be confused with "Hammer Those Little Yellow Bastards Into The Ground" Month which was chosen in January, 1942. ~ sig94]

August 9 is International Day of the World's Indigenous Peoples. The focus this year is "Indigenous peoples building alliances: Honoring treaties, agreements and other constructive arrangements."
[This day also is not to be confused with "Beaners Honoring Border Treaties By Staying The F**k Out of Arizona, California, New Mexico and Texas" Day. ~ sig94]

October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month. This observance was launched in 1945 when Congress declared the first week in October as "National Employ the Physically Handicapped Week." In 1998, the week was extended to a month and renamed. The annual event draws attention to employment barriers that still need to be addressed.
[This Awareness Day was changed into a month because it took so long for all those crippled sons of bitches to show up for work. ~ sig94]

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance, established in 1998 to memorialize those who have been killed as a result of transphobia and raise awareness of the continued violence endured by the transgender community.
[This Day of Remembrance is sponsored by the National Society of Plastic Surgeons who offer half price penis removal surgery, this day only. ~ sig94]

December 26 – January 1 is Kwanzaa, an African-American holiday started by Maulana Karenga in 1966 to celebrate universal African-American heritage. It is observed by lighting candles to represent each of the holiday’s seven principles, libations, feasting, and gift giving.
[Kwanzaa is also observed by massive amounts of celebratory gunfire directed at the chests and heads of participating celebrants. This represents the goodwill that African-Americans display toward each other and it's da white peoples fault. ~ sig94]


Gorges Smythe said...

Thanks for the "enlightenment." I feel SO superior now, just knowing I'm more politically correct. If I ever get a job, I'm going to be sure the boss gives us these days off, or I'll call him/her a racist, sexist religiphobe! ;-)

Subvet said...

What, no day "celebrating" fat old white guys whose tax money support the useless dickwads pushing these holidays?

BTW, "This Awareness Day was changed into a month because it took so long for all those crippled sons of bitches to show up for work." would have had my one-legged father rolling on the ground. He expected no special accomodations and despised those who did. The man had a lot of faults, self pity wasn't one of them.

sig94 said...

Gorges - this is the liberals' way of reaching the total enlightenment of Diversity Nirvana.

sig94 said...

Subvet - no celebration for you fat old white guy! None for me either! It is our duty to pay and pay and pay for the privilege of being fat, old and white. How dare we complain!

It's the FOWGT - Old Fat White Guy Tax.