In The News

They Took A Village

Harkening to Hillary Clinton's child-rearing advice advocated in her book, "It Takes A Village," The Iranian government took the husbands of an entire village and killed them. Every. Single. One. Now all the families formerly supported by these now dead husbands/fathers are totally dependent on the Iranian government, who conveniently ignores them.

Every man in Iranian village 'executed on drugs charges'

Every man in an Iranian village has reportedly been executed by the government on drug charges.

Shahindokht Molaverdi, the vice president for women and family affairs, was arguing for increased provision for convicts’ families when she made the admission.

“We have a village in Sistan and Baluchestan (province) where every single man has been executed,” she told the Mehr news agency.

“Today their children are potential drug traffickers; either because they will seek revenge for the deaths of their fathers or because they will need to financially provide for their families, as a result of lack of support by the government.”

In a related development, Iran announced a significant increase in the importation of hemp rope.

#LittleBrownBobbleHeadsMatter

In the time-honored tradition of dumbing down Western Civilization by reporting on the hormonal fluctuations of whiny ass bitches that should be completely ignored the

Daily Mail reports MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry has walked off her eponymous show, citing frustrations with the network's treatment and a loss of control over the program's content.

Harris-Perry, whose show airs on both Saturdays and Sundays from 10am to noon, is refusing to host this weekend after being sidelined for two weeks.

In a letter to her colleagues published on Medium, she wrote that she was deemed 'worthless' by the network, and fought back by saying: 'I will not be used as a tool for their purposes. I am not a token, mammy, or little brown bobble head.'

The International Association of Token Mammies and the Society of Little Brown Bobble Heads for Justice did not return any calls.

The Fat Man Sings

Today in a surprise move, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie gave Donald Trump his political endorsement/support for the 2016 Presidential election as well as twelve cases of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds, 400 bottles of Yoohoo chocolate drink, four boxes of Mallomars, one slightly used laparoscopic gastric band (autographed) and his entire collection of Chiclets boxes.

Endorsements usually don’t matter much, but Chris Christie giving his nod to Donald Trump shocked the political world and will bolster a Trump campaign that has grown from a madcap insurgency to a serious threat for the Republican nomination.

Most immediately, the New Jersey governor’s endorsement instantly changed the subject from Trump’s debate performance Thursday night, when Marco Rubio got the best of him.

Christie accentuates the Trump brand of bully-boy toughness. He further validates The Donald and paves the way for future endorsements.

With Christie's support wrapped up, The Donald now has enough sugar-laden snack foods to give all of Chad, Sudan, Ethiopia, and Somalia Type II diabetes.

Developing: In preparation for the Illinois primary, a wee little spokesman for the Keebler Elves squeaked that their Chips Ahoy! division is prepared to "bury Chicago up to their assholes in cookies."

UPDATE: no really, seriously ... more on the Christie Kreme endorsement here. Seems like Boy Rubio got  Christie's knickers all wadded up with a condescending voice mail.