Christmas In Chicago

Dashing through the snow
Straining with each panicked breath

Muzzle blasts aglow

Harbingers of death!

Screams and sirens sing

How desperate is my plight

Oh God! Oh God! Please let me live

Through this Chicago night!

Oh Jingle Bells! Shotgun shells!

I just can't get away!

It ain't no fun without a gun

And the gangs want me to play!

Oh Jingle Bells! Shotgun shells!

I just can't get away!

It ain't no fun without a gun

And the gangs want me to play!

A heartwarming tale of Christmas joy in America's third largest city.

43 Shot, 11 Fatally, In Christmas Weekend Shootings In Chicago

CHICAGO (CBS) — The three-day Christmas weekend in Chicago has already become more violent than it was during the entire holiday weekend last year.

Eleven men were killed and at least 32 others have been wounded in shootings across the city since Friday evening, according to Chicago Police.

Last year, a total of 30 people were shot in Chicago over the four-day holiday weekend, leaving six dead.

Story here.

Santa Came A'Knocking And Left Coal In Obama's Stocking

Mike Ramirez is simply amazing.

Mad Dog's Christma Mojo

General Mattis is exactly the kind of leader that is desperately needed today, not only in the military but also in many other positions of responsibility. This link is to a story that will you an idea how a man's sense of duty influences his actions. And there's cookies.

Wrapping Xmas Gifts

This morning while eating my breakfast I watched my wife as she was wrapping Christmas presents.

 Clad in her dressing gown, her lovely brow was furrowed and her gaze locked on the small items she was preparing for ornamentation. The implements of said ornamentation were carefully arrayed over the dining room table: bows, paper, ribbons, transparent tape and of course her scissors.

Such was her concentration that you would think she was preparing for a moon launch or the invasion of a hostile country (more on that later).  Over the past year I have made it clear that as we are preparing to live on a fixed income she must dial back her generosity; our children are older and for the most part, entirely self sufficient. Although my request did not fall on deaf ears, I suspect that they are somewhat hearing impaired.

My wife loves to wrap gifts. She will stand there for hours, transforming plain boxes into artfully decked parcels that are a delight to the senses. The gifts are festooned with colorful paper and fabric; our  relatives and friends are transported while removing the wrapping in order to gleefully purview the precious contents thereof.

Removing the wrapping, now there's the rub.

I watched in horror as my soul mate wrapped a gift in layer upon layer upon layer of paper. It looked like she used the entire Sunday edition of the NY Times. And the tape.

There must be a gene, a common thread of DNA that influences the female psyche to bestow upon gifts the same level of protection afforded the Third Reich by the Siegfried Line. The wrapping can be defeated, but only after careful planning and an inordinate allocation of resources.

I have searched in vain for any government or university sponsored research that reveals the number of fingernails lost per yard of tape applied to gifts.

Both my wife and my sister have this compelling need to engulf presents in a sea of tape. This is an unbridled passion, a forbidden love of tape. I believe this has international implications and have named this affliction, "L'amour de la bande."

If anyone is aware of a program, or medication, that addresses this condition, please let me know.

The Christmas Star

Most of my life I have resided in areas that were well lit at night. Only the brightest stars were visible. So my first time camping was a revelation. My God, there are a pants load of stars.

The Ancients did not have to deal with halogen lights. Except for the moon and whatever you could burn, when the sun set, it got dark and stayed dark until the sun rose again in the morning. But the stars....

The Ancients watched the heavens as we watched the Game of Thrones, but they did it every night and they took notes, copious notes.

They used the stars to determine seasons, for navigation. The lunar  calendar was based on the phases of the moon as it circled the earth. They noticed that while almost all stars were stationary, some stars moved across the sky. The Greeks called them planets - "asteres planetai" (ἀστέρες πλανῆται) - wandering stars.

Astrological studies sought to assign significance to celestial bodies and the movement of certain stars and planets assumed great importance. This is why the story of the Star of Bethlehem is so important today.

The convergence of Jupiter, Regulus and Venus occurred in 2 B.C. and this is what the Magi were tracking. Jupiter and Venus appeared to be on a collision course. To the Ancients, this was astounding. To their naked eye the two "stars" appeared as one. And where this happened was also of great significance.

This convergence occurred in the constellation of Leo, which was considered a royal constellation. Within Leo is Regulus, the "King Star."

There was a lot going on within the Roman Empire during this time. For more on this phenomenon, go here.

Hilarious Trump Parody

H/T iOTW

Bill Clinton's Most Excellent Christmas

iOTW posted this story from the American Mirror:

While most men get socks or tools for Christmas, a White House aide reportedly gave President Bill Clinton something else each year: sex.

Bill CLinton SantaThat’s one of many revelations in Dolly Kyle’s new book, “Hillary The Other Woman: A Political Memoir.”

According to Kyle, Clinton had a whole host of women at his disposal to meet his “sex addiction.”

One, she identifies as former White House aide Marsha Scott, said her annual Christmas gift to Clinton was sex.

“I’ll introduce Marsha Scott,” Kyle writes in chapter 44. “Billy and Marsha had known each other since the 1970s in Arkansas, and she went to Washington with him to work in the White House, as an aide.

I was so inspired by Billy Jeff's thirty years of Holiday Spirit ('tis better to receive than to give), doggone, this just flew on to the page.

The Intern of Christmas Past

T’was the night before Christmas and in the  White House

An intern or two were unbuttoning their blouse

The Secret Service was bringing them in

To the Oval office where the fun would begin.

Hillary was nestled, all smiles in her bed

Whle Huma was busily giving her head.

Billy Jeff grabbed an intern and started to tickle

Knowing full well what she’d do with his pickle.

When all of a sudden there arose such a commotion

That the startled intern dropped the hand lotion.

Away to the door Billy flew like a flash

Pissed off ’cause he wanted to play with her gash.

“What the hell’s goin’ on!” he screamed at Agent Byrne

“Keep it down! I got a cigar going for that intern!”

But there was no agent outside his sex arena

Just a US Marshal, waving a subpoena.

“Sorry to bother” the lawman said with a grin

“I see that you’re busy so I won’t be coming in.”

“You have been served,” and then off he skedaddled.

Billy Jeff was annoyed, worried and rattled.

He started to read and soon he turned pale

With the list he was reading he might end up in jail.

Now Eleanor, now Marsha, now Jennifer Flowers

Now Monica, Juanita (this could go on for hours).

To the top of the list! To the bottom again!

There were just so damn many! (Can I hear an amen?)

There was only one hope for this lecherous man!

And soon Hillary came up with a devious plan.

“It’s a right wing conspiracy!” she shrilly proclaimed;

“My Billy is innocent, he’s just being framed!”

Now fast forward twenty years or so, friends

She’s running for President, let’s see how this ends.

They’re both stinking liars, there’s not a shadow of doubt

How anyone could vote for her, I can’t figure it out.

But I know what I want for Christmas this year

It’s Trump in the White House and Hillary out on her rear.

Unto Us A Son Is Given

For unto us a child is born, 
unto us a son is given: 
and the government shall be upon his shoulder: 
and his name shall be called Wonderful, 
Counsellor, The mighty God, 
The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas

A very merry Christmas to all my friends and readers.


Please don't wake the cat.

Cooking For Christmas

H/T to iOTW

Guess Who's Been Naughty?

The World Turned Upside Down

Here is a video of Vladimir Putin decrying the lack of morals in Russia.
It seems tailor-made for the USA.

I was going to use the 18th century British song, "World Turned Upside Down" in juxtaposition with "Yankee Doodle Dandy" to a) show how the world is not what it used to be and b) just how clever a chap I am but c) that's not true for either scenario.

Yes it's true that I never would have thought that I would favor Pravda over most American media outlets and that I would be applauding a speech made by a Russian Prime Minister who used to be the head of the KGB. Is that upside down enough?

Our Revolutionary War song Yankee Doodle Dandy was not based on the Brits World Turned Upside Down; the tune for YDD was allegedly derived from a British nursery rhyme. But the nursery rhyme (Lucy Locket), like "London Bridge is Falling Down," may be based upon far darker doings than macaroni, perhaps involving illicit sex among the British royalty  - so all is not lost.

The WTUD was actually composed during the reign of the Puritans in the mid 17th century. They had control of the Parliament and passed legislation banning certain traditional Christmas celebrations. These are the lyrics which were written in opposition to the Puritan laws:

Listen to me and you shall hear, news hath not been this thousand year:

Since Herod, Caesar, and many more, you never heard the like before.

Holy-dayes are despis'd, new fashions are devis'd.

Old Christmas is kicked out of Town

Yet let's be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn'd upside down.

The wise men did rejoyce to see our Savior Christs Nativity:

The Angels did good tidings bring, the Sheepheards did rejoyce and sing.

Let all honest men, take example by them.

Why should we from good Laws be bound?

Yet let's be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn'd upside down.

Command is given, we must obey, and quite forget old Christmas day:

Kill a thousand men, or a Town regain, we will give thanks and praise amain.

The wine pot shall clinke, we will feast and drinke.

And then strange motions will abound.

Yet let's be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn'd upside down.

I'll bet you still tried to sing those lyrics to YDD, dinja?

Anyway, the Brits actually celebrated Christmas for twelve days at this time and the Puritans, being the strait-laced lot that they were, thought that things had gotten out of hand and outlawed certain practices. They finally eased up in 1660 after Cromwell died (1658) and after the riots.

Don't mess with Christmas.

In any event, now that I've thrown this entire thread down a rabbit hole, let me be the first to wish you all a very Merry and Traditional Christmas.