New News? 'Bout Time!

I hardly ever watch Fox News, haven't for about three or four years.
Why? I got tired of idiots like Juan Williams blathering his liberal, mindless crap and the "fair and balanced" yelling back and forth with the likes of coke head Beckel and other fools.

Now that Fox has completely grabbed its ankles, it's time for another network.

On the heels of major shakeups at the Fox News Network, an alternative conservative network is being actively discussed amongst conservative fat cats.

A well-placed source close to the proposal tells Mediaite that serious discussions are underway to create an alternative conservative cable network on the belief that the Fox News Network is moving too far to the left. The source, who is engaged in the talks, says a meeting is planned for today with two prominent high-powered television executives, some underperforming conservative networks and people who have an interest and the ability to fund a new network.

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And Now the Weather - OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Anuses of the gods? Nope. Lenticular clouds.

Weathermen love to mix it up. You can hear the delight in their voices as they warn us of impending doom from a thunderstorm, blizzard, flood, school crossing or approaching parade. And then nothing happens until the next weather cycle where civilization as we know it is yet again in dire peril.

[...]No doubt national news media outlets are out of control when it comes to weather coverage, and their idiotic claims find their way to us on a daily basis.

The Houston flooding is a great example. We are being told this is “unprecedented”… Houston is “under water”… and it is due to manmade global warming.

Yes, the flooding in Houston yesterday was severe, and a serious threat to life and property. A genuine weather disaster that has brought on suffering.

But, no, this was not “unprecedented”. Flooding from Tropical Storm Allison in 2001 was more widespread, and flood waters were deeper. There is no comparison.

[...]On the other issue, the entire climate change situation has become politicized, which I hate. Those on the right, and those on the left hang out in “echo chambers”, listening to those with similar world views refusing to believe anything else could be true.

Everyone knows the climate is changing; it always has, and always will. I do not know of a single “climate denier”. I am still waiting to meet one.

The debate involves the anthropogenic impact, and this is not why I am writing this piece. Let’s just say the Houston flood this week is weather, and not climate, and leave it at that.

Source.

Animals In The News

'Humans evolved after a female chimpanzee mated with a pig': Extraordinary claim made by American geneticist

Dr Eugene McCarthy points to features that distinguish us from primates
He says that the only animals which also have these features are pigs
Controversial hypothesis has been met by significant opposition

The human species began as the hybrid offspring of a male pig and a female chimpanzee, a leading geneticist has suggested.

The startling claim has been made by Eugene McCarthy, of the University of Georgia, who is also one of the worlds leading authorities on hybridisation in animals.

He points out that while humans have many features in common with chimps, we also have a large number of distinguishing characteristics not found in any other primates.

The prehistoric pig was known as vodka porcine martinicus sheen. Known for its reckless sexual behavior after imbibing any fermented beverage, fossils at the University of Edinburgh have captured it mating with a T-Rex, prehistoric sharks, a Pterodactyl and the Pyramids.

Elephant Dies of Constipation at Miami Zoo

Eating mud proved to be fatal

A 41-year-old elephant died at the Miami Zoo Wednesday of what appears to be severe constipation.

Maude, an Asian elephant, stopped eating and having bowel movements last week, Miami Zoo communications director Ron Magill told the Miami Herald. She was undergoing treatment for a digestive issue when she collapsed and died.

Maude tried to tell her caregivers what was wrong, but they thought she was simply full of s...

Two Canadian Men Rescue Shark Choking on Moose

This past Saturday, two men came to the aid of a shark that was choking on a large piece of moose hide in the shallow waters of a Newfoundland harbor.

CBC News says Derrick Chaulk was driving along a harbor when he saw what he thought was a beached whale. When he and another local man, Jeremy Ball, investigated closer, they saw it was a Greenland shark with a large chunk of moose hide protruding from its mouth. Chaulk and Ball pulled the hide from the shark's mouth, tied a rope to the shark's tail, and towed it to deeper water where it recovered for 30 minutes.

Mr. Chaulk feels very good about his intervention after seeing the shark struggle with the moose. "It was a good feeling to see that shark swim out, knowing that you saved his life." Representatives from the The Loyal Order of Moose have filed suite against the heroic rescuers.

Teenage surfer is killed by a shark in the second fatal attack in Australia in a WEEK

Zac Young, 19, is said to have lost both legs in attack in New South Wales
Swimmers on Campbell's Beach, near Coffs Harbour, attempted rescue
Last week father-of-two Chris Boyd was killed by great white in Gracetown

The boy, named as Zac Young, 19, from the NSW coastal town of Port Macquarie, is believed to have lost both legs when the shark attacked off the coast of New South Wales and died of cardiac arrest when he was pulled onto a beach.

The horror attack occurred as the teenager was surfing off Campbell's Beach, near the town of Coffs Harbour.

In related news, a pair of Canadian tourists came to the aid of a beached, 18 foot Great White Shark after seeing it struggling with a large piece of surfboard protruding from its mouth. "It was a good feeling to see that shark swim out, knowing that you saved his life," said one of the heroic rescuers.

As it turned out,the shark was merely flossing.

In The News

Bill Clinton and Weiner: We Simply Got To Get These Guys Together!

The UK Daily Mail published an article whereby sex columnist and former Penthouse pin-up girl Jennifer Flowers says that if it weren't for his daughter, Chelsea, she and President Clinton would be together and that Bill is OK with Hillary being bi-sexual. In fact, Jennifer quotes Bill as saying that Hillary "ate more p***y that I did!"

Not to be outdone, Sydney Leathers says that her Tweety Pie, Anthony Weiner, has waved his flag more often than John Philips Sousa. In an interview with Howard Stern,Leathers was asked if Weiner would make a good Mayor. Leathers reply was:

“I mean as funny as it would be to have a Mayor Carlos Danger, I think he’s a little too busy j--king off to do anything for the city,” Leathers told Stern.

"How are you going to be mayor of New York City if you’re c--ing like five times a day?

NASA Offers New Program, "Welfare Queen In Space"
Stay in bed for two months and get $18,000. Sound familiar?

NASA is currently looking for volunteers to lie in bed for 70 days.

That’s right, you could get paid a total of around $18,000 for lying in bed, playing games on your phone, reading books, skyping with your friends and family, taking online classes – and even go on with your day job if you can get away with working remotely, so long as you don’t get out of bed for that entire duration.

Tough Gun Laws Propel Chicago To New Heights
It just goes to show that hard work, perseverance and intelligent planning always pay off.
Chicago is now the murder capital of the USA. And we're proud of you Mayor Emmanuel.

The city of Chicago registered more homicides than any city in the nation in 2012, surpassing even New York — despite the fact that the Second City has only one third as many residents as the Big Apple.

In new crime statistics released Monday, the Federal Bureau of Investigation reported 500 murders in Chicago in 2012, up sharply from the 431 recorded in 2011. New York reported 419 murders last year, compared with 515 in 2011.

They Must Be Out Of Virgins
The Iranian air force has temporarily grounded their newest fighter jet, the Martyr-101, after it failed to pass a critical performance test.

The Aviationist reports that in March a U.S. MQ-1 drone came close to being intercepted by an Iranian F-4 Phantom combat plane, but the Iranian aircraft stopped short after a warning by an American pilot.

“He [the Raptor pilot] flew under their aircraft [the F-4s] to check out their weapons load without them knowing that he was there, and then pulled up on their left wing and then called them and said ‘you really ought to go home,’” Gen. Welsh said.

According to The Aviationist, the Iranians came within 16 miles of the drone.