In The News

She Looked Delicious

The victim of a 'Hannibal Lecter' killer who 'ate her face while he was high on cocaine' had only met him hours prior to the horrific attack, it emerged today.

Shopworker Cerys Yemm, 22, was allegedly murdered by 34-year-old Matthew Williams after he invited her back to the Sirhowy Arms Hotel in Caerphilly, South Wales, following a night out.

Williams, who has not been identified by police but has been named locally - was allegedly eating his victim's eyeball when security staff burst in on the shocking attack.

Not to make light of this monster, but WTH was she doing with a guy she only knew for a few hours? Will this cause an increase in the sale of protective eyewear? Booby trapped contact lenses...

How To Get A Date With Putin

Mail Order Tyranny. A Purported Provocative Proactive Policy for Placing Putin in your ....

The Russian-language newspaper, Trust, is reporting that an actual lawmaker—albeit one with a history of strange ideas—has introduced to the State Duma a bill that proposes extending the greatness of Russian by having children using the sperm of Vladimir Putin. To the best of our research, the Observer is the first to translate this strange proposal into English.

“The essence of my proposition is simple”, says the Chairwoman Of Parliamentary Commission on Women’s affairs, Children and Family, Yelena Borisovna Mizoulina. “Each female citizen of Russia will be able to receive by mail the genetic material of the President, get pregnant from him and have a baby. These mothers will be receiving special allowances from the government.”

This is for the true Commie aficionado; with freeze dried Heroic Sauce of the Motherland, you can now labor with a Lenin, bear a Beria, slam out a Stalin or go into travail with a Trotsky. Battery and torture not included.

No. No Way. Hell No. Just No. No More.

WASHINGTON – Former President George W. Bush is “all in” for another Bush in the White House.

The 43rd president said he fully supports brother Jeb Bush running to become the 45th president but added that it’s up to his younger sibling to decide his 2016 aspirations.

“I know that he’s wrestling with the decision,” George W. Bush said on CBS’s “Face the Nation.”

Here's what to send to the Chairwimp of the RNC, Reince Priebus;

Conservatives are red

Liberals are blue.

Run another Bush

And it's all over for you.