November 16, 2014

In The News

Muslims Invented Baseball, Rock n' Roll and Pedicures
Istanbul (AFP) - Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said Saturday that the Americas were discovered by Muslims in the 12th century, nearly three centuries before Christopher Columbus set foot there.

"Contacts between Latin America and Islam date back to the 12th century. Muslims discovered America in 1178, not Christopher Columbus," the conservative president said in a televised speech during an Istanbul summit of Muslim leaders from Latin America.
Reading Erdogan's statement, it is also obvious that Muslims have yet to discover the difference between North America and Latin America. But that will happen soon, Inshallah; probably around 1180 AD.

Russian Military Invents Vodka Missile
An investigative journalism site has ripped apart reports the Malaysian Boeing MH17 was shot down by a Ukranian war plane, claiming to have exposed the images as possibly photoshop fakes.

A report by Russian state television claimed to have discovered a 'sensational' satellite photo of the last seconds of the doomed flight over Ukraine.

The release of 'leaked' satellite images show a missile hurtling towards the passenger plane, while it was also claimed that the space pictures were from a British or US satellite.

But following the release of these images, Bellingcat said suspicions were immediately raised by a number of online aviation experts, debating the inconsistencies, which lead to claims they were indeed 'fakes'.
Just after the  television spokesperson announced that the Ukraine Air Force was responsible for the Flight MH17 disaster, he also stated that all 83 children killed when MH17 was shot down were spies. He then threw up, pissed his pants and passed out headfirst into the podium.

The spokesperson, Vladimir Vomitovich, has since been awarded the prestigious Hero of Russian Broadcast Journalism with Potato Cluster. The medal is in honor of Grigori Kohartishvilni, a WWII soldier who was able to fuel the electric generator for radio transmissions during the Battle of Stalingrad using only his breath.


Doom said...

They discovered the Americas right after they discovered toilet paper. Well... something like that. If required to eat in their presence, just dig into the communal bowl with your left hand to see how well that all works. Yum!
If you are going to produce a fake, shouldn't you, you know, put some real work into it? I guess after Zero's election, the bad guys realize they don't even have to try? There really are enough stupid people who believe only what they wish to believe.

sig94 said...

Doom - whoa! When did they discover toilet paper?

LL said...

That 'discovery of toilet paper thing' is obviously a HOAX.

Doom said...


You can shake, with your left hand, on it.

underground pewster said...

I am reminded of this exchange from "The Trouble With Tribbles",

Scott: [raising his glass] Now this is a drink for a man.
Chekov: Scotch?
Scott: Aye.
Chekov: It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.

WoFat said...

When I was in the area they would sell you beer and then want to kill you for drinking it. I heard no mention of toilet paper.

Euripides said...

Just an observation, but I'm pretty sure "Latin America" didn't exist in the 12th century for Muslims to contact.

Just being picky.

And I still say to Erdogan's statement: so what?