The foregoing exchange came to mind when I got the call from Goomba ... And when the Goomba calls, you answer.
So, though I am not on the formal blogging circuit (at least until June 2010), Nick has asked me to contribute here from time to time. I said "yes" and am honored to do so. I do understand that I am only a naturalized Goomba and that this remains Nick's show (and thankfully so). But still ... I thought it might be fun, and also an opportunity to put some thoughts up without worrying about keeping the operation running/afloat. Nick's got the best combination of commenters, spirit, graphics, humor, and conservatism on the internets. So, it's a pleasure to be a small part.
Here is a little bit of history for the unitiated. Nick and I go way back to Homespun Blogger days in 2004. We are personally responsible for electing George Bush in 2004. I carried Texas, and Nick took care of California. We've had a lot of fun through the years. If you search "Goomba" at my site, you can get a flavor.
I remember when we both got hacked. He was shot up pretty good. His site looked like Miss South Carolina's scrabble board. "They got me good", he said, as I knelt at his blogside. I helped nurse him back, and he recovered to award me a "Golden Meatball", and for that I will forever be grateful. Once you have reached that pinnacle, well, it's all meatsauce after that.
But in all seriousness, I am here to share my thoughts from time to time because I love this site (and the man behind it) so much. I have hung around here because I love coming here, plain and simple. This is a unique place -- conservative, informative, inspirational, funny, proudly American ... human. So, I pledge fealty to Goomba and will lend my keyboard to the cause. And I also pledge to pop his underwear whenever he needs it (which is at least fortnightly). But ... don't expect me to pop Rhod's. I am not getting killed just for the sake of good entertainment on the internets.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I think I should tell you exactly how the phone call went down when I got (and accepted) this gig:
Goomba: DC, that you?
DC: Yes, Your Malfeasance.
Goomba: Just a word with you, my Lord. Do you think you could come and join the blog and save my asparagus? We are going down, brother. Comments are down. The remaining commenters are driving me crazy. Obama is going to tax all my profits and use them to provide free medical care to your blog readers. The country is in great need ...
DC: Yes, I know Goomba, my liege. But ...
Goomba: I knew I could count on you. God, I do love you so.
DC: But ...
Goomba: What is it, my dearest cyber friend upon whom I have never had the pleasure of laying mine eye?
DC: That's not true. Remember when your glass eye popped out at Patrenellas and I nearly mistook it for a black olive?
Goomba: Let's not dredge up old dirt, shall we? Thanks for accepting my generous offer.
DC: But wait ...
Goomba: What?
DC: How much does it pay?
Goomba: What the he ... ?! You ungrateful hick! I pull your hillbilly butt fresh out of the trailer park, save your hillary, and offer you a way off of skid row .... and this is the thanks I get!?! Three times what you're making now at your blog. That's my final offer, I swear!
DC: Liar!! Make it four.
(Three minute pause.)
Goomba: Three-and-a-half and a health plan that will cover your zit treatments! For the love of God, man, and the sake of all things decent ... accept my offer or I die!!
DC: Deal. But what of the Impaler?
Goomba: You mean "Rhoderick"? (Laughs). Ar-Hod?!! (Laughs louder).
DC: You wouldn't laugh if he was here.
(One minute silence).
Goomba: I love it when you talk Texan. But ... last I heard Rhod went off the deep end when one of his neighbors rode by with the windows down and a "Boy Named Sue" playing on the radio. He cammoed up and just lost it.
DC: I know. He's been bent about that silent "H" his whole life. He's like Curly and "Pop Goes the Weasel" when "Sue" comes on. ...
(Then it got really good. But that, dear readers, is private. A man has to have standards, after all. Nickie might blab about private encounters, but I remain steadfast in my commitment to provide a counter-balance.)
See you around the 'nets, and thanks, Nick, for the opportunity.
Okay, folks, hug your loved ones, grab your wallets and hold onto your hats. Time to ride to the fight ...
21 comments:
OMG, my blog's been hacked by Texans.
What do you think Karl did with, you know ... the stuff?
Don't burn bridges, DC. An invitation was also tendered to Mr. Rove for his input on this blog.
I don't want to have to relive those late nights keeping your sun-weathered carcass out of KR's doghouse.
The H was planted by Celto-centric parents who had heard of Wales, and read Dylan Thomas and actually liked him. I would have settled for Milkwood.
I could have been Rhdyddydruhsavagermls. I was lucky.
I overheard your conversation in the van, you two. Boy, are you guys in trouble.
Get in the van, Milkweed.
How many postings include Karl Rove and Dylan Thomas? I like this blog.
Goomba will take that as a compliment, Wetzy, and tell you about his graduate work with Professor Irwin Corey.
Yikes...Welsh is the only language I've looked at that makes even less sense than Scots Gaelic. Despite my 10-letter Polish surname, I'm of Scots/Welsh/English extraction married to a half-Sicilian. The arguments, few they may be, are quite spirited.
Gotta love a name like Daisy Cutter....brings to mind Arc Lights and Steel Rain....*sigh*
Don't feel bad, gang; I use Guest Bloggers from time to time too....
Steve, condolences on the gene pool. I share it. Have you seen Cardiff? I have. Trenton, New Jersey with a castle.
Steve,
I am Scotch, too. Thanks for your comments, but ... consoling the readers re: "feeling bad"? I am raising the level of erudition around here a hundredfold.
If you do that again, sir, I shall kick you in the soft parts with my pointy-toed cowboy boots.
In about a month we'll be attending the Charleston Scottish Games, and simultaneously celebrating our anniversary, and of course there'll be a major posting of Scots stuff in conjunction....
It's not easy owning a kilt in sub-rural South Carolina....they ask if my Saint Andrews Cross is a "purty blue rebel flag"...sometimes being a Yankee transplant here is fun!
Steve, he prefers to be called DC.
Nickie, that reminds me. You TOLD.
Rhod, email me what was said in the van.
DC, great post. But "nurse him back"? I'm a little fuzzy on history. Didn't he spend 4 years in ICU after that little fiasco???
That's just funny. I'm still stuck on you saying you two put George Bush in the White House. You don't think that 'sweat of his brow' picture of W clearing brush down in Crawford had anything to do with it?
That beats any Time cover with Obama anyday.
Steve, keep us posted. I am planning to be in the area at the Bay City Rollers booth. You are alright, my man. Let me know if you need help if you get a "piperrr down".
Jane, well, we let certain things be for public consumption, but Nick's work in California was key. It's a matter of history.
And Opie, listen ... don't try to steer the discussion back to health care. I see you working. Nick and I shared a special time. Let's not spoil tender memories.
I will always remember Nick at his blogside looking at me and saying, "I'll get those f#*$#*@!"
My God, if we're gonna keep drawing Scot-Irish to this blog, I'm gonna start selling fiddles and gravy or haggis and mushy peas or whatever it is you folks eat.
Opie, that wasn't ICU. It was four years of marriage to my 6th wife, Rain. She was a Vegan pacifist/aggressive. Strange politics indeed.
Jane, that photo was important, and the acre behind DC's mobile home never looked snappier.
Is this the Texas reporter for Texas news?
Opie, I can't go into it in detail.
But somebody at Disney got wind of their underground "adult" production of "Pete's Draggin'".
Wetzy,
I see that you are up on your Texas journalism. Me? I let my subscription to Texas News lapse.
But yes, I am the Texas reporter.
I used to subscribe to The Texas News, but I stopped deliveries when the paperboy mistook my handcarved ebony gazebo for an outhouse.
Post a Comment