We've Killed All the Prophets

In the spirit of The Screwtape Letters, the following is presented for your consideration. I'd like to offer a couple of caveats, though, before you dive in. First, if you see yourself in some manner in the following, take heart. We are all there in some measure. We are all fallen. Indeed, that's one of the issues that the postmodernists use to divide and conquer us. That is, in pointing out our failings, they encourage us to give up or to pursue strategies with the same effect.

So, if you see yourself, join the club and learn. The important thing, though, is to see the adversary. Oh, and one more thing ... these guys are prone to extremism, but listen, learn, and grab a fighting hole.

Now, friends, here's what I overheard from a post-modern ghoul who was lecturing a cowering, confused crowd:

We've killed all the prophets. That's so much better, no? Oh, it's so glorious to be rid of their moralizing, demonizing and sermonizing. Now, we can get on with life.

Of course, long gone is the scourge that is prayer in schools and even innocuous "moments of silence". Oh, but we've come so far since 1963, have we not? Things are so much better now that roaming bands of emos can rightfully pursue moral anarchy as the true religion of our public schools ... and do so in peace. Oh, to be rid of the foul stench of shackling standards. Now we can get on with experiencing, loving, with life ... be free ...

To hump who we want, when we want ... hump what we want ... hell, hump the air like a dog. Let people watch. What do we care? Film a woman in her hotel room and put her naked body on the internet, and news outlets will send it along for prurient interest in the name of the public good and the "need to know." We rule. We have won.

Indeed, we are free to screw and spew forth human lives like stray cats and discard them as we wish, with no restrictions whatsoever, as we finally and rightfully decide matters of life and death without consequence. Does this shock you? Oh, but you must be infected by that wretched remnant. Time will heal you. And our intellect will divine how this transformation has occurred.

Haven't you heard? The prophets are dead, man! And we? We are on to a better place. Time to live a little. No, a lot.

To quote them ... "Thank God" they are gone. Ha! Now, that is funny. They used to lecture us and sternly warn that thinking is a moral exercise. But we thought better, and we slaughtered them all when you weren't looking. In truth, though, many of you were looking, but you didn't want to be made fun of by the enlightened in your midst. And we thank you for that. We needed you at a crucial juncture and you have our deepest gratitude for standing up for your right not to be embarrassed by standing for the quaint concept that was "moral principle".

After all, what we did was fair, in our estimation. And we acted in the common good. For who were the prophets to stand in judgment of us? We are greater, both in stature and in number. Plus, we like ourselves better, and we just think that we all need to give the Roman Polanskis of the world a little break. So now, we live in freedom from the ir tyranny.

Remember, judge not. We judge, and rightly. You judge not.

Yea, though we walked through that valley where extremists once prowled, we feared not their righteous extremism. For we stood as humans without god in that valley ... and we won.

In juxtaposition to the extremists, we laud the Holy Moderates, who in truth are extreme in their passivity, indecision, and cowardice. They have served us well, these dolts who we will make pliable and contort into the shape of their own weakness and guilt for our own purposes before we discard and flush them away.

As they swirl down the toilet, we hear again the long-ago voices of those who would challenge us, as if there were some standard of morality that transcended mere men, and argued that we cannot use men as the the tools for our crucial advancement that they are. But are such critics mad? Rather, were they?

Don't bother us free thinkers by arguing again that thinking is a moral exercise. Silence! And at once! Or we'll send you to speak with a "Blessed Independent". This blessed one is not just any independent. We speak of the super-virtuous, super-righteous, he that could not stain himself by any alliance with mere Republicans. Oh, we love him so, for claims to be supremely loyal to the conservative side but he criticizes only the Republican Party. It is principle, don't you know. You must be hard on those with standards, we explained. He got it. And bless him, indeed, for his "tough love". Verily, he scoffs at and looks down on mere conservative partisans and moralists from his lofty peak at the very edge of where oxygen hovers on the outskirts of the earth's atmosphere. He is far too high, grandiose and righteous to be weighted down with affiliation to any party or movement, at least not one that could win an election. No, he is not like us or of us. Still ...

We love our "Blessed Independent". Indeed, he is a hilariously useful idiot, and in truth is independent only from productive social co nnections and coalition-building while dependent upon strokes to his pathetic ego and the continual genuflecting to his "supernova" of an intellect. He controls the entire electorate, don't you know? (Actually, we do now.) As the Emperor in Star Wars said, "Powah!!!!!!" Thank their god he is able to save conservatives from their partisan predilections and the general sense that they need winning coalitions to, you know, win. If you had his omniscience and personality disorder(s), you could see all this so very clearly, too.

We learned long ago to grind the prophets' progress to a halt by merely pointing out the imperfections all the institutions that they held dear -- the family, their faith, and their slobbering love for their "shining city on hill", whatever the hell that is. And of course, now that the prophets are dead, we can ensure that they will not form coalitions with others who might be like-minded but otherwise "imperfect".

Let us be very, very clear: We will damn sure make sure that the Republican Party is not resurgent and a vehicle for conservatism.

And another thing we want to make sure all of you continue to do ... In all things, to show your "independence", open-mindedness, fairness, likeability, coolness, metrosexuality and all-around-"mainstreamedness", by all means continually throw in a gratuitous slap at Republicans whenever you discuss American politics. You are so "with it", man. You might even get on Joe Scarborough's show, if you keep it up. You can bend over together. People like you and think you are smarter when you do this. If they look at you like you are sucking up, just ignore them. That's not what they are really thinking. They will be your friends. Geez, we want to be like you. Actually, we are. Or is it vice-versa. It's all good. Your insecurity draws you like a magnet to our power and confidence. Oh, to feel you rub against our sides and cuddle .... mmm, mmm, mmm. Delicious.

Mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... Barack's the man with the health care plan ... retreatin' his ass out of Afghanistan ... mmm ... mmm .... mmm.

A prophet (were he alive) might slap you up side the head and ask you if you weren't more interested in your own self-image and popularity by repeating the inanity you routinely spew in the guise of "independent analysis". I mean clearly, there is not a dime's worth of difference between having Newt Gingrich vs. Nancy Pelosi in charge of the House. But let's not dwell on the past. Or the present ... I mean, clearly a Republican Congress would have us on the precipice of health care reform, too, and would be acquiescing to surrendering in Afghanistan. Clearly. From us, let me just say, thanks for your efforts.

You know, we think it's only fair to give you an example of our "Blessedly Independent" friends ... so we are clear what we are after. Check out this "blessed" one. So intelligent. So self-important. So right on with his principled grievances that warrant giving nuclear weapons to Iran and/or quadrupling the deficit in 9 months. So useful. He and his ilk have helped us tremendously by such making our case to break down conservatives' -- and America's -- will to fight us. We love it when the genius pundits say about the foibles of Bill Clinton and others, that "they all do it". I mean, they do, you know. You recall Pres. Reagan's dalliances with young women servicing him in the Oval Office, do you not? He was just better at hiding it than Mr. Pasty White Blabbermouth. He reminds us that courage is/was a moral virtue, too. Good riddance.

And when some smarty pants pipes up about the earliest snow on record or baseball playoff games being snowed out and such maybe ... maybe not being consistent with global warming, we shout him down and laugh about his usage of anecdotal arguments ... never mind that we use anecdotal arguments somewhere every day during every summer. In a big country, it's always hot somewhere in the summer, you idiots. The prophets used to scowl at us and moralize about our inconsistencies. But now their cowardly descendants are so civil ... yes, beautiful civility. We love it so, especially for the idiots.

Now that we have elevated civility to its "rightful" place at the top of our adversaries list of virtues ... it's an absolute, you know ... we are free to roam and, well, be who we are. But remember, it's for your own good. And ours. Judge not. Live in peace. Why all the tumult?

We laugh (and we win again) when people reduce every public figure and politician to the level of a David Letterman, who bangs his girlfriend while on a cruise with his wife and son. You go, Dave. They all do it, after all. Who is that hick hypocrite Sarah Palin to complain? She is not perfect. Her daughter was screwing that redneck hockey jock in high school like two dogs in heat. Put down your stones, Sarah Palin. C'mon. Be like the prophetless class. No stones. Hear, hear.

Don't you see the glorious perversion that we can pursue now that the prophets are dead? We do whatever we want. By contrast, we demand unattainable standards of them and their institutions. They wring their hands and seek perfection, egged on by the Blessed Independents in their midst on the one hand and the humbled by the Holy Moderates on the other. Thus, they are paralyzed. There is no prophet to save them now ...

Ha! Ha! Got a Maine sister in the Senate, lads. You can't support a party that tolerates that sort of imperfection. Never mind that every Republican in the Senate is against the president's health care plan. Don't you know she's "pro-choice"? C'mon. That's a violation of your conscience. (So, we don't have one. It doesn't stop us from pricking yours!) Don't you know that if the Demo-controlled congress passes health care and Obama signs it that it's still the Republicans' fault?

Give me two Blessed Independents on the case, and I win ... every time. Your party and candidate voted with us, once ... I think, maybe ... where's a moderate ... he would understand and endorse your candidate ... oh, wait ... now, your candidate is ours since the Holy Moderate praised him once. You see, all we have to do is obfuscate and scatter. Join us. It's great fun. ... It's easier. Aren't you tired of fighting? Join us.

The Bush Administration was wrong on immigration so they did nothing right, don't you know? Let us incessantly recount that beautiful untruth forever!! And ever! Amen. Don't you remember? Bush spent a lot. So, it was about a burgers-worth for Obama, but it was evil and a violation of conscience. You should have voted for Gore, and then Kerry. Or not voted at all. Better to sit on principle than to stand not perfectly upright. Don't be a judgmental hypocrite.

You must play by the rules ... always. We cheat ... always. Plus, we define your rules and success. We can't help but win.

Now that the prophets are dead, that is.

You know, I am beginning to think they were right. Thinking is moral. But the moralists are dead. So, let's not be troubled with their baggage, shall we?

Now, we are free to elect a postmodern leftist president for the first time in American history. We got a Holy Moderate through the Republican primaries (under the guise that the Blessed Independents would carry the day, of course) and then we goaded the opposition into settling for nothing less than perfection in the general election ... and now we have our wish. That's so funny. America got that whole process bass-ackward, just like we like it. It almost makes us believe in god, but not quite.

I mean, the world is safe now. Al Franken is our 60th vote in the Senate, thanks to great work by the Blessed Independent candidate in Minnesota. It really doesn't get much better, folks. Oh yes, it does. ACORN helped Franken steal the election, too. But we know that criticizing such public service groups is racist and uncivil. And aren't you on the right tired of playing that race card? Look in your hearts. Every one of you is prejudiced against some one or thing. You know it. So, be quiet and listen to us. Let you without sin cast the first stone at us.

Barack Obama has his Peace Prize. Hold on ... that's stretching it a bit, even for us. That's some funny caca, right there. But let's shoot straight, or as straight as we can.

Now, leftists who would rather shit on the Lincoln Memorial rather than celebrate America ... are celebrating worldwide. Do you get our drift?

As America grinds toward bankruptcy, it is urged to spend more in the name of "compassion" ... urged on by misplaced guilt and the inability to argue its case. Ah, we are almost there.

America's troops fight an enemy that claims to fight for a prophet, and they might, for all we care (we are neutral with respect to the jihadists' prophet, though, you see, although we approvingly note how correct the jihadists are in their critique of America). But because America's prophets are dead, its leaders can't define the mission against the supposed prophet-soldiers. And we know what happens when one side fights with a mission and the other one does not.

Glory ... glory!! It almost makes us want to sing that song.

But we won't. Wait ...

For we feel a chill.

We fear, for we know ... for some reason we fear that prophets still live. If there is a God, we fear for all we have gained and have.

For if we did not kill them all, surely he and his ilk will return with a righteous vengeance.

We must go now, just in case ...