I knew it!! I knew it all the time!

Iowa Hawk does it again...

Special Post-Election Analysis

by Rosa Ortiz
Former Chief of Housekeeping Staff, Coakley Campaign

I have been in this country for now many years and I have learn many things. Like to put the 20% away for the rainy day. Do no to mix the permanent press with the cottons. And as Dio is my witness, do no never take the job for the Kennedys.

Please for to let me explain. I am being to not blog for many months here because I am very busy. Last year when I am working for the Senora Caroline Kennedy she tell me to write this blog to tell you why for to vote for her for the Senator of Nueva York. This is no my idea, but Senora Kennedy say, "Rosa, after you are finish with the floors, you must write my blog! I am late for to my gown fitting at Saks." But then she is very angry at me because she is no made into the Senator, and because she has to pay the back taxes for Rosa and the other housekeepers. This is why we have the big fight and she fire me.

My friends they are very sad for me, but I tell them, "be no sad for Rosa! I am very very happy I am not to longer be working for the Senora Kennedy no more." Then I am go to the Bronx community college and study the dental hygienist. But the one day it is the phone ringing.

"Ola Rosa, it is Senora Kennedy. No no no! Please to no hang up! I have the very good job opportunity for you! In the Massachusetts."

I am ask her, is this for to work for another Kennedy like your drunk sobrinos? She say, "no no no Rosa, it is for to work for mi amiga Senora Coakley. She is going to win Tio Teddy's family seat with the Senate, and she need the light housekeeping and campaign helping. If you do the good job she will take you to the Washington and you will make a lot of money more than the dental hygiene. I am promise you, no windows and no blogging."

I am having the very mix feelings about this. I am pray to the Guadelupe for the guidance. Many times I have clean up the mess for Tio Teddy when he is barracho. But que Dios le bendiga, he always pay Rosa the nice bonus on Navidad to stay quiet about it. So I say, "okay, Senora, I will take the job."

When I move to the Massachusetts Senora Coakley is first a very good lady. She no make me do the windows, only to bring the grocery and the morning tracking polls. She is very happy with the 30% lead and she is always the phone with Senor Reid and the real eastate brokers in Washington. But one morning I am bring her the tracking poll and she is now only up 15% and she is very angry. "Rosa! Why are you to bring me this! Throw this bad poll away and bring me the grapefruit."

Then, Dio mio, every day the poll is more bad, and she keep yelling louder. She stop asking for the grapefruit and ask for the Ben and Jerry ice cream. She say, "Rosa, why do the stupid voter people fall for the stupid Senor Brown and his stupid truck?" I say, I do no know Senora, maybe because he is the very handsome and against the health care taxes. This is make her very angry and to throw her Ben and Jerry across the kitchen.

When I am clean up the mess Senora Coakley say, "You are the Mexicana, yes Rosa? You must have the old pickup truck I can borrow for the campaign."

I say, "no Senora, I am from Guatemala. My cousin Estaban has the pickup, but it is need the new transmission."

Every day it is getting worse with yelling and the polls. Senora Coakley is on the phone with the Senator peoples and the White House peoples, especially after she say the bad things about the Red Sox man. "Why do I have to know all this things about the beisbol players?" she is yelling on the phone. "Nobody at the Harvard cares!"

Then she looks at me and she say, "Rosa! You are the Hispanic like the many beisbol players. Why can no you get me the endorsement from the Pedro Gomez or Lopez or what is his name? You are not being very good to help me!"

I am say, "I am sorry Senora, I know Pedro Gomez but he is not this beisbol player. Maybe you talk to Senor Steinbrenner. Do you want me to go to the Stop and Shop for more Ben and Jerry?"

And then she is very angry again and she say, "No Rosa! The consultant man he say I need to make the connect with the Red Sox fans. I want you go to this Fenway Park and shake the people hands and give the Coakley signs. I am late for the interview on MSNBC."

Okay, I do what she say, but it is very very cold and none of the peoples want to take the signs. All of them want to talk to Senor Brown. When this is over, Senor Brown he say he is feeling very bad for me, and so is to give me a hot cocoa and a lift back to the casa in his pickup.

When I am getting back, I am surprise to see Senora Coakley very happy. "Oh Rosa, oh Rosa!" she say. "El Presidente is coming for to campaign rallies for me! We are save! We are going to the Washington!"

In the next days Senora Coakley and her campaign peoples are very excited to prepare for El Presidente and for to make the attack ads. It is very busy in the house and I am try to make sure there are enough ashtrays for El Presidente, but the attack ad people keep to ask me, "Rosa! How do you spell Massachusettes?"

But when Senora Coakley and the people are come back from the rally with El Presidente, they are all being very quiet with the angry looks. The next days before the election days the house is like the funeraria, and all of the people are making the updating resumes on the computers. Senora Coakley is alone in the kitchen practicing the smiles and throwing the Ben and Jerrys.

I am alone in the house last night and I watch the election on the television. I am try to watch this on Telemundo, but Senora Coakley is making the TVs only to work for MSNBC. Dio me perdone, but I am relief when Senora Coakley make her concession speech because maybe she will get on with her life and stop crying and throwing the ice creams. But then television peoples are now saying the bad things about her. They say she is the very bad candidate. And then Senora Coakley's peoples are angry and they say that El Presidente is to blame. All I know is that there is going to be a lot of ice cream to clean up when she is get back.

In this morning when I get to the kitchen Senora Coakley is standing there with the Democratic advisor people. And they are all very angry. At me.

"Have I done something wrong Senora?" I say.

"Rosa! You have done everything wrong!" they are yelling. "There is no way we could lose the election. Everybody in the Massachusetts loves El Presidente and his health care! Everyone loves Senora Coakley and Tio Teddy! You are the reason, Rosa! You have lost this election just like you did with Senora Kennedy in Nueva York. Rosa, you are the cursed!"

And now I am getting very angry.

"No, Rosa is not the cursed," I say. "But Rosa has a curse for you. Chinga su madre, puta loca."

After that I am feeling much better. Estaban got his transmission fixed and he is driving me back to Nueva York. I think I have finally learn my lesson about taking the Kennedy jobs, so this time I am going to stick with becoming the dental hygienist.

If this does not work out, maybe I become a Senator. I hear there will be openings this Fall.

Thanks to Iowa Hawk