July 10, 2010

Say Goodbye To The Auld Sod

Well, he WAS Irish, wasn't he?

GNN Arts & Entertainment - After a few days of smoke-filled rooming, a consensus emerged here at GNN about the death of Robert Byrd. We decided to wait for the liberal media to disgorge their face-saving encomia for this villain; to wait for their post-coital satisfaction with themselves to fade before their next lib-lick of another political canker like Byrd. Maybe Pete Stark next time. We wondered what our editorial position should be, because the position of "slobbering press bootlickers" was already chock-a-block full.

We found ourselves sidling into the "turd in the punch bowl" maxim, and mused that the Democrats were stuck with this Cicero-bleating, thieving, racist Goober, whether they liked it or not. DC then reminded us that it isn't a turd in the political punchbowl that the Democrats hate, but punch in their political turd bowl!. Good point. Byrd fit right in. How do you make something out of that?

Nick raised the point that the Byrd affair belonged in the GNN "Religion" category because of its moral complexities, until we all said that Hell was the world with a living Robert Byrd and Heaven was the world with a dead Robert Byrd, which was morally simple. Okay, "we all" didn't say that. Only me. But I have enough clout around here to prohibit a sermon from one of Paul's letters on the subject of Robert Byrd.

Next we thought that just some neutral, slightly melancholy, Thanatopsis boilerplate on "mortality" could put Byrd in perspective. But some wag in the conference room whispered out loud that our mortality might have prevented us from experiencing the current Robert Byrd, and mortality might prevent us from experiencing a future Robert Byrd! Mortality, in this view, is to be appreciated. This stuff is hard.

Then we thought that some tasteful but freighted-with-meaning photo of a weeping willow or pool of water behind, or near, some sign dedicating a public project to the pork efforts of Robert Byrd was the answer. We could publish it. That was easy. Now we have to photo-shop a couple of Port-o-Potties beside the Byrd sign, but we're going out for coffee and Bear Claws first.

Step right up. See the wild creature that eats its young and murders its parents.

July 8, 2010

A voice of sanity, a voice of inspiration and (obviously) a classy dame!

Sometimes, you just gotta marvel at the folks writing and educating out there in the blogosphere. You'll meet one of these web rangers over at Fuzzy Logic. GO. READ. LEARN SOMETHING.

White Guilt and Gynoguilt:
How the Left's Culture of Victimhood Undermines Equality

By Fuzzy Slippers

As we all know, the left and particularly its kudzu-like interweaving into and strangling of all aspects of academia is very fond of its "isms." Feminism, racism, whateverism--all purportedly designed to "call out" the oppressive white male and to tear down sexist walls, crash through glass ceilings, break out of the cycle of oppression. So imagine my surprise when, as a graduate student, I learned that I should not be teaching a particular female author in a Modern Literature class. She's an excellent, if under-read and under-appreciated, modern writer, but the chair of my department explained to me that her work should be taught in "women's literature" classes. It turns out that faux feminists were happy to perpetuate the idea that the term "modern writer" actually means "white male modern writer" and that because of this, a woman cannot be a "modern writer" at all. She's a writer of "women's literature."

"Women's literature" classes are chock-full of readings by people whose only qualification as a "writer" is a vagina. The "literature" is often . . . well, let's just say, not good. This isn't always the case, but often enough that you have to wonder why it's being taught at all (other than to fill in the entire semester's reading list by dredging up every female writer who ever put pen to paper). This gyno-centric reading list and my being told not to teach a truly outstanding female author in a "traditional" lit class initially unnerved and confused me. But the real reason is actually quite clear, if rather sinister: if we started selecting excellent female writers and started tea
ching them as if they were "real" literature, we'd end the hate-fueled gravy train. Who or what would the leftist intellectual elite write their endless, repetitive, belly-button-gazing critical essays about? What would happen to their careers if they had no one to demonize and no one to treat as a perpetual victim?

How on earth can we achieve any kind of gendered or racial harmony if we continue to perpetuate this bizarre notion that women and minorities must be treated with kid glo
ves or as strange anomalies to be taught in isolation, put on intellectual display as if they are animals in a zoo? Doesn't gyno-centric or race-based "grouping" serve only to underscore the "difference," to highlight the supposed inadequacies of said group/s? Yet when we on the right want to treat female authors or black authors as the equals of their white, male counterparts (i.e. actually worthy of study on the merits of the text, not because they have a vagina or other-than-white skin), we are not permitted to do so. In the name of equality.


Two Conservative Americans attempt to make their voices heard by Washington DC (Sort of)

July 5, 2010

Nickie Goomba's message to American males: Grow a set!


This gives you an idea of how it would have sounded had Lewis & Clark been committed life partners.

July 4, 2010

Five Million Shrimp Saved

Gore Describing Physique of The Perfect Masseuse (GNN File Photo)

GNN has learned that Albert "DNA" Gore will not be attending Chelsea Clinton's wedding.

Independence Day


Americans have bravely sacrificed, fought, and died for independence throughout our history.

That independence must not end on our watch.