August 3, 2012

I've Got The Tractor Impound Blues

There's an old saying that goes, "Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel."

To this little slice of outdated wisdom you might want to add, "Or who owns the biggest tractor in town."

From the UK Daily Mail:
A farmer angry over a recent arrest surprised police in Vermont on Thursday by driving his tractor over seven parked police cars before driving away.

Roger Pion, 34, had been arrested last month for resisting arrest and marijuana possession before rolling his farm tractor across their vehicles, demolishing five marked cruisers, one unmarked car and a transport van, police said.

'We had nothing to pursue him with,' said Newport Chief Deputy Philip Brooks, who went outside to see seven of his fleet's 11 vehicles destroyed.

The word is, Orleans County Sheriff deputies are now slimming down through increased assignments to foot patrol.
Nobody was hurt. That's the thing everybody's got to cherish,' said Sheriff Kirk Martin.

Pion is faces seven counts of felony unlawful mischief and one misdemeanor count of unlawful mischief on suspicion of damaging the cars, state police Detective Trooper Lyle Decker told the Free Press.

[...]Martin estimated damage to the vehicles at more than $300,000.
Farmer Pion will also be looking for another occupation as there is no doubt his property will be subject to civil forfeiture to pay for the damage. Either that or he will have to grow an ungodly amount of beans and okra.

According to the Chronicle, Pion has an extensive history of encounters with local law enforcement, apparently over traffic violations.

Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places" is one of my favorite songs. I felt the prodding of the Muse.

I got home after dawn
My tractor’s long gone
Seven cop cars are lying in ruins.

I ran ‘em all down
I shocked this small town
And made bail from the crowbar saloon.

I’m not very smart
And real trouble will start
When the corn silk starts turning all brown.

Then I’ll be in deep shit
This farm, I may lose it
My tractor’s still in the impound!

The cops got my tractor locked in the impound!
After I used their lot as a farmer’s playground.
Guess I made my case … when I flattened their place.

Now I don’t mean to be disrespecting
But my crops are ready, now I’m objecting
That the cops got my tractor … locked in the impound!


Woodsterman (Odie) said...

He's a very naughty boy.

sig94 said...

Odie - apparently he also has anger management issues.

I believe a new country-western song may be hitting the radio soon - "I've Got The Impounded Tractor Blues."

sig94 said...

There, fixed it.

WoFat said...

What a jerk.

Undergroundpewster said...

Nice song, but can you work in a line about Momma?

Unknown said...

Classic! Thanks for the laugh!

sig94 said...

WoFat - this loser's gonna get a wake up call. He is in deep kimchi w/r/t his livelihood. They may keep the tractor as the instrumentality of a crime.

sig94 said...

Pewster - your momma?

sig94 said...

Mark - every so often I feel the urge to wax rhapsodic.

Kid said...

That's Hilarious. And nice job on the McCartney-Lennon impresion.

sig94 said...

Thanks Kid.

Anonymous said...

Franky, I feel Mr. Pion was an idiot for what he did, not a hero. Maybe if he didn't get to be such a stinking deadbrain pothead to begin with, the police wouldn't have had harrased him. My sympathies to the Newport Police and its a good thing no one got hurt.